This is an actual ad that was on Craigslist. Enjoy.

 

 

Totally Awesome Kick Ass Motorcycle

Date: 2008-09-22, 5:44PM CDT

Motorcycle for sale: There comes a point in every mans life where he feels the need to pass down some history or perhaps a legacy, this time is now. For the low price of $700 you too may become a bad ass. This motorcycle is not just a way of transportation, it is a way of life. The side of the gas tank says Yamaha which loosely translates to "Kick Ass Stealth Ninja Motorcycle". I stole this motorcycle from Chuck Noris after I gave him a swift roundhouse kick to the face. I also broke off his arm and signed the title with it to my name from him so it is all legit and legally mine to sell now. Some of the lens covers on the turn signals are broken but if you think that stops me from turning you are sadly mistaken. The first rule I learned in the Mount Tokachi Ninja Training Camp was never tell your enemy what direction you intend to go. I have found this to ... Read more ...

Heres a list of things that I hate seeing when I'm in Wal-Mart:

1. Wal-Mart Greeters- it is rare that anyone is actually ever greeted by the wal mart "greeter".  They usually try to avoid eye contact at all costs. I say they should get fired for not doing their job. If the stockers weren't stocking shelves they would get fired.

2. Fat People- I dont know what the deal is but the average weight of the people i see in the wal mart in my town is probably around 300 lbs. That shit disgusts me. I once saw a fat bitch (350 lbs. at the least) park in handicapped parking. She walked to the entrance, a distance of about 50 feet or so, and had to sit down cuz she was so out of breath.  I say wal mart makes a "Fat Parking" area in the furthest part of the lot so the overweights can get a little exercise.

3. Kids on Leashes- Seriously, if your kid needs to ... Read more ...

 15. A little too much joie de vivre while demonstrating the erector set, if you know what I mean. 14. Every time you're passed over for a promotion, you stick your head in an Easy Bake Oven and threaten to "end it all." 13. You got caught adding a garage to your house using embezzled Lego bricks. 12. Numerous parental complaints about your "Tickle Me Carl The Stock boy" display. 11. You went overboard with your GI Joe Militia display by adding the Tonka truck full of fertilizer. 10. Cross-dressing the Ken and Barbie dolls and telling kids they're the new "Jerry Springer" edition. 9. The "My Little Taxidermy Kit" (with starter squirrel) is not selling. 8. Impromptu demonstrations of why Malibu Ken is not anatomically correct. 7. Got caught doing your Dolly Parton impression with basketballs again. 6. Source of reefer smoke finally traced to "nostrils" of Geoffrey the Giraffe. 5. Jaws of life needed to pull your knees out of your chest after you jackknifed a Big Wheel. 4. Caught hocking phlegm into ty ... Read more ...

Study each question carefully. Then, choose the answer that seems most correct (True or False) and circle the T or F as appropriate.1. A clitoris is a type of flower. T F2. Pubic hair is a wild rabbit. T F3. "Spread Eagle" is an extinct bird. T F4. Vagina is a medical term used to describe heart trouble. T F5. Menstrual cycle has three (3) wheels. T F6. A G-string is part of a violin. T F7. Semen is another word for "sailor". T F8. Anus is the Latin word for "yearly". T F9. Testicles are found on an octopus. T F10. Asphalt describes rectal troubles. T F11. Masturbate is used to catch large fish. T F12. KOTEX is a radio station in Bryan, Texas. T F13. Coitus is a musical instrument. T F14. Fetus is a character on "Gunsmoke". T F15. An umbilical cord is part of a parachute. T F16. A condom is an apartment complex. T F17. An organism is the person who accompanies the chior in church. T F18. A diaphram is a drawing in geometry. T F19. A dildo is a variety of sweet pickle. T F20. An er ... Read more ...

I was eating with the family at the Mexican restaurant here in town and after my fifth enchilada my bowels decided to take a turn for the worst.  I dash to the bathroom just in time to get my pants down and barely make it (Everyone knows that situation). All this involved all the sound associated with a massive dump like that including the lack of knowledge to whether or not i was pissing or shitting because they both sounded the same.  The restaurant was busy that night so the main door to the bathroom kept opening and closing and im sure you could smell the stench from across the restaurant.  After a good 15 minutes of this I was finally done.  I opened the stall door to find about 6 women looking right at me.  It was then i realized in my rush for the bathroom I had chosen the wrong one: the womens.  The ladies just looked at me as they were holding their breath trying not to die in there while they waited in line to use the stool. I just walked to the sink, washed my hands and made my way out.  Luckily ... Read more ...