This older woman, probably around 60, walks into the store the other day. She passes the Floral clerk and says "Are you a manager?" Now, this is not related to the story, but if you are in a store and every employee is wearing the same blue shirt, why do you ask any one of those people at random if they are a manager?
Anyway, the clerk says, "No, I'm in charge of the Floral department, but I'm not a store manager. Why?"
"Oh, well, I drove through the parking lot, and there's this blue truck parked at the edge..."
(Suddenly concerned) "Yeah, that's mine, what's going on?"
"Oh, nothing with that, but there's a car parked a couple spaces down from it, and there's two people, and she was going down on him."
Imagine the muscular control this clerk exercised when this old woman said "going down", trying not to laugh hysterically.
Well, nothing ever happened with the downward-bound couple, but when the clerk left she called back on her cell phone. She told the office ... Read more ...
All right, welcome to eBaum's Grand Blog Story, Volume I.
With much anticipated (I hope) fanfare, I will now start the story. The lucky eBaumer whose word combination I chose to begin is....
nosajonra!
Besides his use of the whitey-froed Bob Ross as his avatar, I thought that his word combo would make for an interesting few sentences. His words are (edited to fit your screen), hanger, q-tip, shop vac, adult diaper, and ball gag.
So without further ado, let's start the show!
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I was cleaning out my garage the other day. I had been putting it off, because, well, it's so cold outside that I went to have a smoke, and one of my nuts ended up breaking off and landing in my sock.
But I had the day off and was bored, so I did up my coat and headed out. I picked up some tools and put them away, swept up some leaves and other junk that had blown in, and finally got around to my workbench. I had ... Read more ...
Guess what? Right after my wife walked in the door after coming home from work today, her boss calls (From PA, we live in IN) and tells her she can't work any more because she is not losing weight.
That's right, Weight Watchers will lay off people who do not match their ideals of physical appearance.
In all fairness, I'll lay out some background. My wife had our second child just over a year ago. She gained weight with the second, just as she did the first. This time she has not been able to lose it quick enough to suit her employer. Therefore, no work for you!
Now we've known for a while that this was a possibility, and that her boss is a cunt. But tell me, is this really legal? Weight Watchers' position is that their employees should be examples to their customers. Fair enough. So I guess that if an employee follows the Weight Watchers plan, loves their job, buys their incredibly overpriced products, and actively promotes it among her friends, but doesn't lose weight, that's ... Read more ...
It looks like more people support the story idea than Jeopardy, so I will start with that. I need two things: volunteers and suggestions.
Here are the rules:
1. I will start the story. I need a set of five words, the more dissociated and illogical the better. I will work those five words into an opening paragraph.
2. From the volunteers, I will select the next person in line for each section and give them their set of five words. All five words must be used in their part of the story.
3. Each person will submit no more than two paragraphs, to be done in the comments section. This will challenge the creativity of each person, forcing them to make sense of the words given in a shorter frame.
***Update***
4. A "word" can be defined as A.) a single word or B.) a well known or established two word phrase (Ex. mountain lion, White House, cum guzzler). However, single words are preferred and encouraged, as they allow more flexibility and creativity. (Ex. puma, mans ... Read more ...
Ok, so I suggested a finish the joke game, and I had one person say they loved the idea (which in Florida counts as a valid election), so here's a first go-round. Which is not to say that I won't do the other games!
I'm going to attempt a generic setup, and you just comment with your punchlines.
An old man, covered in dust, limps into a diner. In one hand he has a lunch bucket, with what sounds like dueling chickens inside. In the other, he has a screw driver. He approaches the clerk at the counter and...
Have at it, and good luck!
BTW, I'll give the contest vote another few hours. Remember to cast your vote for "Relay Stories", "Jeopardy", or "Both" Hell, if I feel pretty spry I just might do both anyway!
