I think my parrot is stoned.  Then again, I'm feelin' pretty woozy myself right now.  My husband just sprayed down the sink we're refinishing with marine primer paint, and the fumes seem to be getting to us all, but especially the parrot.

She's just sitting in my lap, nuzzling against me, and making this weird noise that she makes when she's happy- usually when she's getting pet.  But she's not getting pet.  She's just chilling.  If I sit in a normal chair with her and slouch, she lays down between my boobs and doesn't really move.  She'll even let me touch the skin around her eyes.

It's bad because all the windows in our house are open to try to get air flow, but there's no wind right now, so ventilation isn't so great.  I wish we had fans.

Oh, well.  Instead, I have a stoned parrot.

Spray-on Condoms

Maybe it's just me, but this seems like the worst idea ever.  Here are some scenarios that I think you could come across:

"Hey baby, let's go for it.  I've got the condoms right here."

"Okay!"

*spraying noise*

"...What was that?"

"That was the condom."

"That sounded like spray paint.  You're NOT putting that thing in me."

Then there is the fact that it takes two to three minutes to dry.

"Let's fuck!"

"Yeah!"

"Sorry, but you'll have to wait two more minutes."

Or, the one that could probably be the most common:

"How did you get pregnant???  Didn't you use protection???"

"Yeah, but he missed a spot."

So, am I the only one that thinks this is the most horrible idea ever?

I really am.  Right now, I'm all sorts of self-pitying and girly.  I'm usually not so bad, but I'm having a bad day in general (lack of sleep after having a few glasses of wine that should've made me sleep well), so this just adds to it.

Yesterday was my birthday.  I turned 23 (my husband found it amusing to remind me that I am almost a quarter of a century old, the turd).  I did not expect gifts.  I did not expect most people to know.  I had invited two friends to come over for dinner that my husband was going to prepare.  One had to visit her dad, but the other was able to come.  That was really nice.

HOWEVER...

The girl who is supposed to be my best friend didn't call.  She didn't email me.  She didn't even leave a message on MySpace.  This would not bother me so much if it weren't for the fact that her birthday is ONE day before mine, and I called AND emailed her to be SURE she got the "happy birthday" message.  Needless to say, I'm a bit unhappy at this.

I think the part th ... Read more ...

Whatever happened to the "classically" beautiful women?  Where have they gone?  Whatever happened to them?  How did they go out of style? 

Think about sex icons from the early to mid 20th century.  They are so different than what our society deems to be beautiful now, but you can't help but look back at them in awe at their beauty and grace.  Prime example:

Miss Ann-Margret.  She wasn't a frightfully thin woman.  She was a bit risque, no doubt, but she was a fantastic actress, and so freaking gorgeous that words cannot describe it. 

Example #2:

Marilyn Monroe was a size 16.  But you never heard anyone saying she was fat.  She was, by today's standards, a plus sized woman.  Yet ... Read more ...

Seriously.  He's great.  Right now, he's brought over his riding lawn mower and is helping my husband mow our lawn.  This may not seem like a big deal, but our lawn is an acre.  That's 43,560 square feet of grass to mow, discluding our small house in the middle.  Once again, this may not seem like such a big deal, but we only have a push mower.  So it will usually take my husband four to five hours just to mow the lawn, not to mention at least a gallon of gas, lots of sweat, and some dehydration and sunburns. 

But this is not the first awesome thing this guy has done to help out.  He helped my husband till my garden for me.  He brought over his two rototillers and they tilled it up pretty quickly.  He's a really nice, helpful guy.  He's in his early to mid thirties, I believe.  He and his wife are raising their niece (don't know the exact circumstances to that, but I love when family takes in a family member in need) after having lost a child of their own.  He works on the air station not far from w ... Read more ...