"...And ruined your black tie affair. The last one to know, the last one to show, I was the last one you thought you'd see there!" I stood on a bar stool shouting-not singing, shouting-these words as Garth rang out over the bar speakers. I wasn't drunk, just buzzed. 3 Amber Bochs, half a Stella Artois (which tastes like day-old bacon marinading in gym socks, I'll have you know!), a rolling rock, and an Amber ale (the bartender ran out of Amber Boch and who am I to turn down a free beer?). Really not that much to drink over a 5 hour period. But enough to come up with a stupid plan and put said plan into motion.

I decided to pierce my nose. Thank God my nipples are already done, I can only imagine how this might have played out otherwise. I didn't do the piercing itself. I had a friend do it; she's done her own piercings, so I trusted her. I thought it would be a good idea to get drunk so I wouldn't feel the pain. So I had 4 shots of Rum and 4 shots of Jack Daniels. I'm not one of those fantastic peop ... Read more ...

So i haven't been on ebaum's in a while, and I come on to see what happened with the last blog I wrote and wow... people really hate mexicans! As it turned out, IT WAS the stoner cousin who left the door open when the dog got out, NOT the mexican.

Maybe I should stop writing about my love for cheeseburgers because everyone assumes I'm some fat guy who wishes he had a vagina. I'm actually about 5'3" and 102 lbs with a 23inch waist. I love eating and the whole joke about my love for cheeseburgers comes from my close friends who tease me about it and call me "fat"--because I AM SO SMALL... follow the bouncing ball... they call me fat as a joke because ...i'm actually really skinny. Morons.

My mexican roommate is actually really helpful and it's my stoner cousin who has the never-ending supply of smokebombs that he uses whenever there's work to be done around the house. I'm not sure why I'm explaining any of this to an online community... Meh. Time for bacon wrapped hotdogs, the ultimate rival of ... Read more ...

So I found a dog at work about 2 weeks ago. A cute white, curly-haired, happy-go-lucky, car-chasing pup. I asked my boyfriend if we could take him in until we either found him a new home or he grew on us, and he agreed. Once he met the dog, he decided it would be a wonderful dog for his daughter. And it was. Oh, they played and laughed and she would whine about him licking her and she would chase him with the hose and it was happiness...

Then I came home from work last night with my cousin who sleeps on our couch. The recently cool weather was more than enough reason to bring the dog in and let him sleep in the living room. I would have let him sleep in my bedroom, but my cat who hates him, Jack-Jack, well... he hates the dog.  So I left the dog in the living room and went to bed at 630am.

I get up at about noon and stumble into the shower. My cousin isn't on the couch at this point, which is normal, so I assume the dog must be secure in the back yard. I rinse off in the shower and cllimb bac ... Read more ...

I was browsing Hulu.com for something to watch last night at work and came across a horrible B movie called "Jailbait", starring none other than C. Thomas Howell. I stopped halfway through the movie as it was time to go home and decided to finish this trainwreck of a movie later.

Just to give you a brief synopsis of the flick... "17 year old Kyle" (she's a girl with a boy's name) "comes to the big city in search of her half-sister Merci. Merci is on the run after being used to set up a murder. The police and the killers both want her. Kyle ends up on the streets until renegade cop Sgt. Teffler (C. Thomas Howell) takes her in. Now he must protect her while trying to stop a white slavery ring from abducting more young girls." The synopsis is 40 times better than the film itself, despite the plethora of tittes.

Anywho, so my better half and I are on the way home from a rousing visit to walmart and our favotie chinese food place when I out of the blue ask "what does the 'C' stand for?" My boyfrie ... Read more ...

Recently in some blogs, members were arguing about the number of friends they have. I'm pretty anti-social for the most part, so I usually don't send someone a friend request unless they pique my interest. Nonetheless, I don't think I get the point of arguing about who has more friends in an interwebs popularity contest. I comment you, you comment back, we go through a charade of comments, at what point should I friend request someone? After we going on an internet drinking binge together? Anywho, enough with that... now onto bigger and better things: Never piss off a gypsy!

What has "Thinner" and "Drag Me To Hell" taught us? Don't wrong a gypsy. I won't ruin the movie if you haven't seen the latter, but what was Allison Lohman's character thinking denying a psycho gypsy her exntension on her home loan? She deserved all that was put into her mouth throughout the duration of the movie. She apparently never watched "Thinner" or bothered with reading the cliffnotes version... I was debating this with m ... Read more ...