You assholes clearly have no idea what you're talking about when you're jumping on the "It's cool to hate on Obama" Bandwagon. All of you naysayers were slobbering all over Obama's nuts when he was in the primaries, and now that people have taken off their rose-colored glasses, you decide to fall in line and pretend like you knew that he was going to bring this country to hell in a handbasket.

WELL FUCK YOU

Obama is the bestest president there ever was.

One time, Obama climbed up to the top of a Redwood to save my Aunt Flo's cat named Mitsy. Not only did he save Mitsy, his very presence in the Redwood forest turned the entire area into a national preserve. My Aunt Flo was so happy that Mitsy had been saved that she decided to allow Obama to assist her with her suicide. What we didn't know, however, was that Obama also single-handedly figured out how to reuse her body as a clean, efficient, and renewable energy source to power Mitsy's litterbox and the surroun ... Read more ...

Weed should be legally illegal, man. I know it's the opposite of what my title says but.......

Wait..............

What?

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Mmmmmm pretzels. The only thing that sounds better than pretzels right now are more pretzels.

Sometimes bedroom antics can get a little crazy between married couples.

I had been dating my wife for 5 years before I popped the question. I knew that she was the one for me, because even by that point sex with her never got old. Granted, a blowjob from her is like a blood diamond..... you find only a scant few in a lifetime, but you treasure each moment when such a rarity actually occurs.

So you can imagine my surprise when, coming back from a wedding while COMPLETELY bombed out of our skulls, she had the bright idea to do a little role-playing.

The theme being exotic animals.

I was feeling a little under the weather by that point since I was still drunk and it was 2:30 in the morning. But who was I to turn down such a rare and wonderful request from the woman I've known and loved for nearly 6 years?

I laid down in our bed as I waited for her to put whatever skimpy outfit she decided to wear. Of course, when my head hit the mattress the Earth slid com ... Read more ...

Has Obama been exposed to the SWINE FLU!?

Was Jay Leno hospitalized because of the SWINE FLU!?

Did Chris Benoit kill his family with the SWINE FLU!?

Did the pilots of 9/11 die from the SWINE FLU!?!?

It's not as if more Americans die from Influenza each year than AIDS. Know what kills Americans MORE each year than the flu? Being a fucking idiot. The total combined number of accidental deaths, be it from motor vehicles, firearms, and/or alcohol, kills more people each year. But what do you think the media would rather alert the average American about right now?

Shooting yourself in the face is not an acceptable cure for Heart Disease? Or that the flu is CONTAGIOUS?

BOOGITY BOOGITY

Ok, media. You win. I'm terrified now. Lock your doors and hide your chilluns. The flu has turned into a plague, the likes of which this world ... Read more ...

While at first this trick might seem fairly impressive, it can actually be broken down to a very simple numbers game in which you are made to feel as if you are in control of the situation, but in reality the possibilities for you are narrowed to only one result.

When he has you move four spaces, and then an additional three, the only two possibilities as far as where you will land are the numbers 2 and 4. The reason for this is because you have started on an odd numbered space, and he is making you move an odd number of times. The result will always be an even number.

When you choose a number, you will land on 1,3, or 5 if it's odd, and 2 or 4 again if it's even. This move is to make the user feel as if he or she is in control of the situation. By this point, the "mind reader" will have no idea which space you've landed on. Even if you choose to move 0 spaces, the trick will still work as you are still on an even-numbered space.

Moving another two times isn't necessary for th ... Read more ...