This is the last call for the eBaumsworld Tattoos and Self Portraits Gallery I'm putting together. If you want to show off any pictures of yourself or your tattoos (or both) then feel free to send off your picture(s) to wrinklebeast84@gmail.com

In other news, I'm typing this from a new custom computer I've built and put together myself. Not only does it predict what I'm about to write, but it also reads minds, makes coffee, rubs my feet on demand, and can tie cherry stems into double-knots after closing them into the CD/DVD tray.

I'm not sure when that's going to actually serve some kind of purpose, but it's pretty damn sweet.

One of the fans ate my wife's cat.

I'm compiling a couple of galleries of eBaums users' tattoos and self-portraits. Anybody who would like to be featured, send pictures of your tattoos and self-portraits to wrinklebeast84@gmail.com

Please include your user name along with the appropriate file format. Also, please crop your own photos. I really don't feel like trimming down a picture that I could print out and roll up with a boomerang.

Run.

I have to keep running. They're gaining on me.

My little brother is running alongside me, sobbing and crying. Isn't he too old for that? I could swear he's 20. Nope, he's 7. But damn, that little bastard is outrunning me. My legs are going numb on me. Shit, I have to keep going. I can hear them right behind me.

I feel myself falling. I kick desperately for the surface. Which way is up? I can hear something in the back of my head. It's a song. Actually, it sounds really cool. It's got a really awesome guitar solo and everything. It's a damn shame I'll probably never remember it.

*Plip plip plip*

They're falling into the water. They're still after me. I can feel the vibrations of their legs as they're swimming towards me. I didn't think they could swim. My mouth opens in a silent scream, and my lungs begin to fill with water. I scream harder.

Nothing.

Nothing but the sound of my labored breathing, and that eerie v ... Read more ...

There are lots of little things that we do every day that we don't notice that we're doing. You might be surprised by some of the answers other people leave. If you have any other questions to add to this list, feel free to comment.

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1) Do you arrange your bills in your wallet in ascending order (lowest bills first), descending order (highest bills first), or no order at all?

2) What would you call a Sprite? Soda, Pop, or Coke?

3) What do you put on top of your ice cream? Sprinkles, jimmies, or shots?

4) Does your toilet paper roll from over the top or from underneath?

5) Do you masturbate with your dominant hand?

6) Does seeing another person yawn, or does talking about yawning, or reading about yawning, or even seeing the word "yawn" make you yawn?

7) Did you yawn after reading that last question?

8) Does looking at the sun make you sneeze?

9) Which do you do: clip, bite, or peel your nails? ... Read more ...

If you had ever asked me if I planned on getting a full-body massage and body scrub at a spa sometime in my life, I probably would have told you to go fist yourself, because that's not the kind of question you ask a perfect stranger.

Now that we're on the subject of full-body rape, let me tell you about my very first time having a little Asian man fingerfuck every muscle in my body, thus destroying every shred of dignity I've ever had (not that there was much to begin with) and reducing me to nothing more than some quivering sack of smashed assholes that once resembled a man.

The reason I've been gone for so long, as some none of you have noticed, is that I was just recently married. Planning a wedding is the leading cause of breakups everywhere, which means that I needed to spend every waking moment planning a party that consisted of one-hundred people getting completely obliterated and telling me how awesome my wife is.

I figured ... Read more ...