Tuesday, January 25th, 2011, 01:13pm EST
I sat across from my middle school Science teacher, palms sweating and unsure of myself.
I knew I wasn't the greatest-looking kid, with awkward wavy hair that made my head look like a mushroom, thick glasses that if anybody else looked into them they would see into the future, all perched on top of a skinny gangly frame that looked like it could break in half from standing in the way of a loud fart.
Nonetheless, here she was in front of me, and smiling at me in a way that I knew my attempts at garnering her attention had paid off.
I had the attention span of a squirrel, but the mouth of an Italian mob wise guy. So of course, after I told the fattest kid in class he "couldn't see Uranus with a hand mirror" and told her to "shut up and make me a Goddamned sandwich" after she reprimanded me, I knew that I would be able to spend another hour with her for detention. Even if it was just for a little while, being with her just made me feel.... wanted.
The silence was not s ... Read more ...
I knew I wasn't the greatest-looking kid, with awkward wavy hair that made my head look like a mushroom, thick glasses that if anybody else looked into them they would see into the future, all perched on top of a skinny gangly frame that looked like it could break in half from standing in the way of a loud fart.
Nonetheless, here she was in front of me, and smiling at me in a way that I knew my attempts at garnering her attention had paid off.
I had the attention span of a squirrel, but the mouth of an Italian mob wise guy. So of course, after I told the fattest kid in class he "couldn't see Uranus with a hand mirror" and told her to "shut up and make me a Goddamned sandwich" after she reprimanded me, I knew that I would be able to spend another hour with her for detention. Even if it was just for a little while, being with her just made me feel.... wanted.
The silence was not s ... Read more ...
Sunday, January 23rd, 2011, 02:22pm EST
I recently came across a thread about authentic [false] fails in life [no comma] that some [false] no people experienced.
Some [false] None of them were hilarious. [statement of fact ends sentence]
Here's [messy] Here are the top 10 I prepared [false] copied for you. [new sentence] Maybe it will make you feel better
about yourselves. [it won't]
10
Some [messy] A woman wrote that her boyfriend "joked" about he ... Read more ...
10
Some [messy] A woman wrote that her boyfriend "joked" about he ... Read more ...
Saturday, January 22nd, 2011, 06:38pm EST
It's been a few years since I've done this, and considering the success I had in the past, I'd like to give it another shot.
ORIGINAL: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/user/blog//view=485064/
The object of this post is to ask me anything. Anything at all. The seriousness of the answer will reflect the seriousness of the question, but mostly I'll try and give as entertaining, thought-provoking, or self-deprecating answers as I can. You may absolutely ask me more than one question, and I will continue to do this for as long as this post exists.
Hit me, bitches.
ORIGINAL: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/user/blog//view=485064/
The object of this post is to ask me anything. Anything at all. The seriousness of the answer will reflect the seriousness of the question, but mostly I'll try and give as entertaining, thought-provoking, or self-deprecating answers as I can. You may absolutely ask me more than one question, and I will continue to do this for as long as this post exists.
Hit me, bitches.
Thursday, January 20th, 2011, 02:50pm EST
The guards open my cell and smile. It was time. The sick bastards had been gloating these past few weeks, reminding me every day how I was going to be executed under the new law.
I am the only inmate in this prison, and one of the last inmates left in this godforsaken country. Ever since Order #113 passed, national crime rates plummeted, and most prisons have shut down. Our country is being hailed as the first to nearly wipe out crime across the globe as nearly every other country has followed suit and implemented the proposed changes, citing the success of our new approach to the rights of criminals.
Many had fought against the proposed changes, saying that it was considered cruel and unusual, and goes against the very moral standards our country had been founded upon. Fear, it seems, is too powerful a deterrent to overlook and their pleas ultimately meant nothing.
The warden is here himself. At least somebody decided to have some fucking balls around here. I punch one of the ... Read more ...
I am the only inmate in this prison, and one of the last inmates left in this godforsaken country. Ever since Order #113 passed, national crime rates plummeted, and most prisons have shut down. Our country is being hailed as the first to nearly wipe out crime across the globe as nearly every other country has followed suit and implemented the proposed changes, citing the success of our new approach to the rights of criminals.
Many had fought against the proposed changes, saying that it was considered cruel and unusual, and goes against the very moral standards our country had been founded upon. Fear, it seems, is too powerful a deterrent to overlook and their pleas ultimately meant nothing.
The warden is here himself. At least somebody decided to have some fucking balls around here. I punch one of the ... Read more ...
Saturday, January 15th, 2011, 07:55pm EST
Howdy!
It's been a long time since I've posted here, but I figured with all of the videos on the best of 2010, what better way to mark my triumphant return by jumping on the bandwagon!
Many of you have been doing a top ten thing, but I only have one video to submit as my best of 2010. There are several reasons for this:
1) The average user has the attention span of a gerbil and will stop paying attention after the first 5 seconds of video #1.
2) Because it's just that AWESOME
Enjoy.
It's been a long time since I've posted here, but I figured with all of the videos on the best of 2010, what better way to mark my triumphant return by jumping on the bandwagon!
Many of you have been doing a top ten thing, but I only have one video to submit as my best of 2010. There are several reasons for this:
1) The average user has the attention span of a gerbil and will stop paying attention after the first 5 seconds of video #1.
2) Because it's just that AWESOME
Enjoy.
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