So my parents vacation on the Adriatic every year, where they have a home.

This year my parents moved from their home here, to a smaller home here closer to me. They're both retired and decided to down-size.

Last winter, my dad slipped and hurt his knee.  It took me a month to convince him to see his doctor after it didn't get better (it only got worse).  He kept insisting that it was only sprained / pulled / rheumatism / etc.  Finally, after numerous bullshit tests, and five months later, his doctor booked a M.R.I. for him.  The results showed that he had chronically torn his ACL, was developing a cyst, and that he would require surgery.

His surgery was booked for May 27th, he was moving on May 28th, and they had booked their trip to Europe leaving on the 27th of June.  My dad is 65 and I was worried about how he would handle it all.

His leg should have healed significantly in 10 days.  He went to see the surgeon 3 weeks after the operation to consult with him  on whether he wa ... Read more ...

Start with a cage containing five monkeys.

Inside the cage, hang a banana on a string and place a set of stairs under it. Before long, a monkey will go to the stairs and start to climb towards the banana. As soon as he touches the stairs, spray all of the other monkeys with cold water.

After a while, another monkey makes an attempt with the same result - all the other monkeys are sprayed with cold water. Pretty soon, when another monkey tries to climb the stairs, the other monkeys will try to prevent it.

Now, put away the cold water. Remove one monkey from the cage and replace it with a new one. The new monkey sees the banana and wants to climb the stairs. To his surprise and horror, all of the other monkeys attack him.

After another attempt and attack, he knows that if he tries to climb the stairs, he will be assaulted.

Next, remove another of the original five monkeys and replace it with a new one. The newcomer goes to the stairs and is attacked. The previous ne ... Read more ...

Some of these you may have read before, some not.  Regardless, read on if you wish.

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.  So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.

According to self descriptions, eBaum's World has the highest number per capita of rocket scientists, immense penises, and deadly ninja assassins.

Do not argue with an idiot.  He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.

If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives.

Sex is not the answer.Sex is the question."Yes" is the answer.

The last thing I want to do is hurt you.But it's still on the list.

We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Women might be able to fake orgasms.But men can fake a whole relationship.

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than sta ... Read more ...

I want you to read these lyrics to the song Humpty Dance by Humpty, and tell me what you think in regards to how it applys to society today.

All right! Stop whatcha doin'

cause I'm about to ruin

the image and the style that ya used to.

I look funny but yo I'm makin' money see

so yo world I hope you're ready for me.

Now gather round

I'm the new fool in town

and my sound's laid down by the Underground.

I drink up all the Hennessey ya got on ya shelf

so just let me introduce myself

My name is Humpty,

pronounced with a Umpty.

Yo ladies, oh how I like to hump thee.

And all the rappers in the top ten--

please allow me to bump thee.

I'm steppin' tall, y'all,

and just like Humpty Dumpty

you're gonna fall when the stereos pump me.

I like to rhyme,

I like my beats funky,

I'm spunky.

I like my oatmeal lumpy.

I'm sick wit d ... Read more ...

I find the spam in the ebw blog section fascinating.  Not the content itself, but the minds behind the spamming.

How fucking retarded do you have to be to spam outdoor patio furniture sales, or maid services, here of all places?  I just can't wrap my mind around it.

If they were pushing items that would interest ebaumers, I would understand.  Therefore, for the benefit of you brain dead spammers, I am comprising a list of items / services that people on here WOULD be interested in:

- Concealable weapons.

- Illegal narcotics.

- Vibrating vaginas.

- Bomb making manuals.

- Hydroponics equipment.

- Pornography (the free kind).

- "Hacking for Dummies" literature.

- Video games (the free kind).

- Stain removal services.

- Visine.

- Beer of the month club.

- Lube.

- Hair removal services.

- Basement door locks.

- Leather masks.

- Various restraints.

- Food stamps.

- Card coun ... Read more ...