Ok so now that I took the time to calm down. Let me tell you what I just saw. Which quite possibly be the best thing I saw all year. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was on TV. I don't really care for the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon. I much prefer the ones I grew up with back in the 80's and early 90's. But This episode of the new TMNT was different. This had Shredder with a dimension cross over device. Which transport the turtles into an alter universe. The Shedder and the turtles crossed over to the 80's world of TMNT and showed a little clip of the old school TMNT movie. Which was so awesome. This was like reliving my childhood all over again. They even crossed over to the comic book version of the TMNT. It was basically 3 different generations of turtles all compiled into one TV movie. The Shedder of course wanted to destroy all the alter universes destroying all the turtles forever. Even the 80's Shedder thought that was too wacked and too evil to comprehend. All the 80's Shedder wanted to do ... Read more ...

Once Upon A Time it was Thanksgiving at the Perkins house.  I decided to go turkey hunting with my two best friends.  I took my gun and yee haw off we went.  When me and my friends got to the woods we decided to split up and be back at the pick up in 2 hours.  Not to long into my search I found a big turkey all by himself.  I aimed my gun put my finger on the trigger and as I was just about to shoot the turkey turned around gave me and evil glare and put his feather in his mouth and wistled.  Next thing you know I am ambushed by 200 turkeys.  True story I swear.  They even captured and tied to a tree my two best friends.  The pack leader demaneded I put down my gun or else my friend Steve gets it.  A turkey pulls out a chainsaw and puts it right to Steve's leg.  The turkey's demans were to take my truck and head back into town for human huntting.  Just in the distance I saw a wolf and I yelled to the wolf.  What time is it Mr. Wolf?  The wolf stands up pull out his glasses and looked at the watch and said. ... Read more ...

Once upon a time I was reading my favourite Cilfford book.  It was the one where he got a job.  I thought he give me some tips but no such luck, by the end of the book I felt worse than the time I took a shit and all the pimples on my face popped at the same time.  After I put down the book of moral which was employers will more likely hire a big red dog than hire you. I read the newspaper on Osama Bin Ladin.  It got me thinking on the times I used to search for people back when it was fun and not creepy.  This one lady I tried to find but she travled around the world and I could never catch her.  Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego?  I have a better chance of catching a cold than catching her.  Aparently the police tapped my computer and used my seaching skills to get closer to her.  Since the police is in on the search it got me thinking.  What did Carmen Sandieo do to become wanted and go into hidding?  Remember the head aches Where's Waldo books gave you?  Rumor has it my friend found him, but he nev ... Read more ...

Once upon a time during puberty I grew a giant penis, it is my gift it is my curse.  I know most guys love to have one but not me.  Having a giant penis cums great responsibility.  There was this one time I was taking a piss but I sneezed at the same time.  My dick flicked up and down causing piss to go all over the seat, floor and in my mouth.  True story I swear.  This was the grosses thing to ever happen to me.

Even sex is a touchy subject.  I assume I can only have sex with giant whores or giant women from the land of the giants.  Whores will at least have a loose vigina so it wouldn't hurt so much.  But if I had sex with a virgin girl I would of completely destory her vagina.  She would bleed all over my bed and I'll be forced to drive her to the hospital.  I'll be yelling at doctors to get my girlfriend a vigana transplant ASAP.  The doctors will tell me they don't do vigana transplants.  I'll have to hold the whole emergency room hostage until I get my girlfriend a new vagina.  I'll tell the ... Read more ...

Once upon a time I woke up with a sore throat.  I didn't think anything of it, but then a month went by and my voice is returning back to normal.  It wasn't even going deeper so I knew I couldn't be hitting puberty #2.  My paranoid but yet my proud Italian father suggest I take a trip to the doctors.  I book an afternoon appointment with the doctor when I arrived for my appointment.  I told him my situation and the tests begin.  We do a bunch of voice tests but still no results so he puts his finger in my bum.  Still nothing but now when I go poo it is like turning on the tap.  The doctor is as baffled as I am.  The doctor asks me if I have been smoking I replied "No! That's disgusting."  He then asked if I was smoking cock.  and I replied "err ummm....nooooo" Then my father busted down the door and yelled. "BULLSHIT!!! Tell him the truth he is a doctor!"  The doctor tried to calm my father down but no such luck.  When my father gets mad he speaks in Italian and he was yelling at the doctor t ... Read more ...