Look, I'm not a hateful person or anythingI believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.

Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, toobig biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.

Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."

I've got nothing again ... Read more ...

22 years of drug experimentation, alcohol abuse and, according to mom "a conga line of skanks falling out of your bedroom" has led my parents to not expect a vast amount from me in terms of good, or even acceptable, behaviour.

But a boring, hungover session at the computer led to a situation so horrific I can feel the blood flooding my cheeks as I write it, and led to what must have been mom's last shred of hope in me ever becoming anything good flying out the window.

Yesterday I was surfing tube8 for some handy masturbatory aids (midget hunchback men, right? Hurr durr...) and clicking between two different movies. Our internet had slowed to a crawl for whatever reason and I was becoming increasingly irritated at the apparent dislike the "little red worm of loading" had for moving to the right across my screen.

Every time I began to get into the flow of things the movie would stop and sputter like the actresses involved were having epileptic fits. Th ... Read more ...

The person I heard this from ("Al" in the story) swears that it really happened. (And no, I'm not this "Mark" - you should be able to figure out why I chose those names. :)

Two guys (we'll call them "Mark" and "Al") are out cruising. Mark is driving, and they're on some out-of-the way roads. Mark is distracted and doesn't see a stop-sign, and a few moments after he runs it they hear a siren and see blue lights. Mark has never been stopped by the police before, and gets really nervous.

MARK: OhshitwhatdidIdo? I wasn't speeding, was I? No, I wasn't speeding. What'd I do what'd I do?

He pulls over, shaking like a leaf. The cop pulls in behind and walks up to his window.

COP: You realize you ran a stop sign back there?

MARK: [panicky] No, honest! I didn't see it! I didn't mean to run it! I just didn't see it! Really!

COP: I'll need to see your driver's license.

Mark pats his pants for a few se ... Read more ...

Years ago, CBS had a popular little series called GILLIGAN'S ISLAND. There is, however, a dark secret about this "comedy" you may never have realized.

The island is a direct representation of hell. Nobody on the island wants to be there, yet none are able to leave.

Each one of the characters represents one of the 7 deadly sins:

- Ginger represents LUST - she wears skimpy outfits, is obsessed with her looks, and is a borderline nymphomaniac.

- Mary Ann represents ENVY - she is jealous of Ginger's beauty.

- The Professor represents PRIDE - he is an annoying know-it-all.

- Mr. Howell represents GREED - no explanation needed.

- Mrs. Howell represents SLOTH - she has never lifted a finger to help on and of their escape plans.

- The Skipper represents two sins: GLUTTONY - again, no explanation needed and ANGER - he violently hits Gilligan on each show.

- This leav ... Read more ...

Finally , the guys side of the story. ( I must admit, its pretty good.) We always hear the rules

From the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules! Please note.. these are all numbered 1

ON PURPOSE!

1. Men are NOT mind readers.

1. Learn to work the toilet seat.

Youre a big girl. If its up, put it down.

We need it up, you need it down.

You dont hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1. Sunday sports Its like the full moon

or the changing of the tides.

Let it be.

1. Crying is blackmail.

1. Ask for what you want.

Let us be clear on this one:

Subtle hints do not work!

Strong hints do not work!

Obvious! hints do not work!

Just say it!

1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1. Come to us with a problem only if you want ... Read more ...