nothing sorts life fumbles and mishandling better then a solid (although rather late) apology. i was inspired by my name is earl and i felt "hey fuck that hippie karma bullshit but i want to right a few wrongs in my past...and maybe work on getting that stache, it is so manly!" so here it is letters of regret vol 1 titled appropriately to the girl i owe a heart felt apology
dear, well this is a bit awkward i am not too sure of what your name is i apologize, the first of many apologies to come i am sure of that...OK well lets try this...
dear, that girl i roofied and subsequently led to a gang rape at Doug Martins bar mitzvah. i know what your thinking as a reader of this.....i know....."martin" is such a random last name for a jew. But that's beside the point i hope you accept my apology and someday in the future you wont hold that event against me. Forgive me for my humor but that is if you even remember at all what happened that night!
Also as deep as my apology is i hope you can see now through sober eyes that half of this was your fault as well. look at things from my perspective...whenever i go out for a snack to eat i always say "no jalapenos! they give me wet farts!" sometimes i get the occasional reply of "sir this is Baskin Robbins why would there be jalapenos?" but its more of a precaution on my behalf after all a jalapeno is a tasty pepper i have nothing against it but sometimes if you have too many of them it can make your anus feel like it pushed out sand paper from the burning(unfortunately after the gang rape you know what I'm talking about) any who that's the lengths i go to protect myself from anal leakage. so when i asked you if you wanted a drink you should have answered "yes but no roofies!" or maybe even a request for roofies on the side would've been nice. so i just made an assumption you wouldn't mind had i offered you ice cream and put a dabble of sprinkles on top without asking assuming you wouldn't mind would you have complained? no. so why hold a grudge about this? hey don't give me attitude and while were on the subject i don't know any of the guys names i charged to have sex with you and I'm sorry you don't know who your baby's dad from that night is but if it helps the video i hear is still getting quite a bit of hits online look it up.oh you didn't know? well don't get angry at me for not updating you on your sex life hey enough with the attitude already! i think you owe me apology for being so rude!