It was 5:30 pm, and I had been on the clock for nine and-a-half hours. It was past time to go home, and my patience was wearing thin, when a customer walked in. "I'm looking for a cheap guitar for my son, he's 12, and doesn't know how to play yet, so I don't need you to sell me some crazy expensive thing I don't need." I took her over to the beginners' guitar kits, that came with everything you needed to get started, except talent. While I explained the benefits of this one versus that one, I detected a scent of perfume on her that caught my attention, and made it hard to concentrate on the little sale. She asked me to show her what was in the glass-enclosed room; I told her they were all high-end guitars, $3,000.00 and up, but she wanted to see them. As I led her into the room, she grabbed my ass, and said that she was lonely, and wasn't getting her needs met at home. We stepped into the Warehouse, and the smells and tastes of that afternoon will be etched into my mind forever. Weeks later, I was ... Read more ...

Not likely.

I am willing to admit, unlike so many of you, that I am NOT an expert on world politics, and I don't claim to know what makes these politicians tick, or what kind of avarice must drive them to do the evil things they do.

   However, I have come to the point where I just don't give a fuck anymore, so I'm going to make this blog about something that is, in reality, more important, more pleasant, and enjoyable for everyone.

   That's right, this blog is about Whipped Cream.

   Now, I'm not a purist- I don't care if it's fresh and home made, or comes in a can, with a little extra Get-High gas in it... I just love whipped cream, and you do, too, and you know it.

   I like whipped cream on strawberries. I like it on Pudding. I enjoy whipped cream on Chocolate Mousse, and occasionally, even on its' own, out of the Redi-Whip tub, with a spoon.

   I also enjoy whipped cream on breasts, licking it off softly. sticking the nozzle of that fucking can right up in th ... Read more ...

   This is a quick blog to remember all the celebrities who died last night, may they rest in Peace.

   Hugh Hefner, you were a great, very very old man. You will be missed for at least a week.

   Richard Simmons, it will take time to understand the complexity and horror of your death; now we will have to wait until Rosie O'Donells' digestive system passes your remains until we can get a partial autopsy, and that's just wrong.

   Kanye West, I've waited a long time to say this: Eh, turns out I got nothing for ya. Later, ya freakin' Jigaboo.

   Bill O'Reilly, you sucked in life, and I'm sure you will suck in death. Your legendary anger, and complete disrespect for Journalistic Integrity have now put you in your own private Hell, where everything you say will be fact-checked by Adolf Hitler, Michael Jackson, Michael Moore, and Bugs Bunny (who was actually real, doubters).

   In other news, has anyone seen my self-esteem? I swear I saw it last night...

   Finally, som ... Read more ...

  (This blog is for anyone who remembers the shit I used to write, before I got well.)

   One time, a while back, I was dating this chick. Lets call her Jessica, since that was her name.

   Jessica was a lying sack of whore, who smelled like Everybodys' Cock, and had a mean set of Horse Teeth in her inhumanly oversized mouth. For some reason, I thought she was beautiful, but hey, love is blind, right?

    Anyway, after a few months of being with this evil fucking fucktank, the sex started drying up, and her True Colors started coming out. She was, it turns out, a bit of a pathological liar, and a Whore.

   By the time the sex came to a halt, I started noticing things about her that I found less than pleasant, but that my love/lust for her had made me previously oblivious to.

   For starters, her pussy smelled like two week old garbage, and though I HAD somewhat noticed that before, it was soon to become a reason for the demise of our relationship.

   She also made ... Read more ...

   Haven't been around a whole lot lately, just figured I'd check in and let you assholes know what I've been up to.

   For starters, I quit Guitar Center, and started a new job at another Retailer, who is trying (Unsuccesfully, so far) to be competitive with GC. BUT, they pay a lot better, and they are willing to give me a lot of rope.

   This weekend, starting Thursday night (for set-up), I will be working at Voodoofest, with All-Access passes, and I will be doing Meet-and-Greets with many of the headlining Artists that are performing this weekend. I am pretty excited about it, and you may all either hate me, or not care at all, your choice.

   We are setting up a tent/ booth, with all kinds of musical goodies in it, to let whoever wants to, come in and jam. I'm sure I will have a massive headache, and hate music by the end of the weekend, but it seems like it'll be worth it!

   I'm supposed to be meeting with Widespread Panic, which is a band I really don't care for at all, B ... Read more ...