"It never hurts to advertise," I said, as I placed the napkin down on the table and put my malt glass on top of it. On the napkin was a hastily scrawled "8-inch penis" and an arrow pointing to the seat I was in.

Sure, the waitress wasn't hot, and had terrible teeth, but like any guy, I'm always up for something new. And besides, it never does hurt to advertise, does it?

I finished my burger, paid my bill, and looked towards my table, eager to see her reaction. After all, I had been charming her throughout my dining experienc. My heart beats quickened as she began picking up the plates, she would see the napkin any minute and....wait....that's not her, thats the fat retard busboy with the unibrow! Dammit!

He glances at it, laughs, and throws it in his trash bag.

So, where do I currently stand? Let's see:

1. Waitress no longer has access to my penis-related information.

2. Bus-Boy knows more about me than I would ever want ... Read more ...

Yea, three blogs a night, kinda a bit much. Sorry, I get bouts of writing urges followed by months of block.

In one of my earlier blogs tonight, I talked about my roomates ritualistic watching of shitty tv for the sole purpose of irritating me.

This is all pretty bad, but one fateful day, I was forced to watch hour upon hour of shitty syndicated eco terrorism on the Discovery Channel.

That's right, the worst thing I ever watched in this ritual of shit was Whale Wars. In case you've never seen it, three ships full of hippies go around attacking Japanese "Whaling" ships. They then get all pissy once the Japanese decide to defend themselves, then whine for the rest of the episode.

While watching this, I began to wonder why, if the Japanese are hunting whales illegally, and it's being documented on the Discovery Channel, why doesn't anyone do something about it?

Well, guess what. The japanese are actually liscenced to kill up to 800 whales ... Read more ...

Warning: Mildly Political

About a week or so ago, after the whole Joe Wilson affair (you know, "YOU LIE" to Obama), a certain blogger, who I believe was Bo, stated that Mr. Wilson was being called a racist for calling the President a liar. Pretty much everyone disagreed with Bo that that ever happend, and the matter was laid to rest.

But wait, there's more!

Upon watching CNN today, I saw a quick little news story featuring everyone's favorite Fuck-up, Jimmy Carter. Yup, ol' Jimmy was calling Joe Wilson a racist. This was quickly followed by Representative Hank Johnson, an older black man who claimed that because of Wilson's comment, the Klan was going to rise up again, and all the Congressmen and Representatives would go put on their white hoods and start riding through towns terrifying people.

Yup, everyone knows that all Republicans are Racist.

Now, don't get me wrong. I think that Mr. Wilson should not have made the outburst ... Read more ...

Since the first of August, I've been living in the big city with my best friend of ten years. Really, things couldn't be better. However, a certain ritual, maybe even a nightly rite of passage, has started.

As many of you know, I am easily irritated. My roomate knows that better than anyone, and every single night he puts on a ridiculous tv show for the sole purpose of pissing me off. Hours of sci-fi channel original movies later, and I'm ready to die.

Here's some of the "gems" of shows he's chosen:

Animonday, on the chiller network. A weekly marathon of retarded gothic themed animes. To start, I hate anime. I discovered a new hate of anime when I saw a Vampire Anime. Fuck.

Giant Shark vs. Giant Octopus, a sci-fi original movie. I'm guessing you can guess what the movie is about just from the title. Yea, there's this scene where a giant shark (the same one in the title, in case you were wondering) bites the Golden Gate Bridge in half. Yup. Not ... Read more ...

I actually posted this ad for a fake girlfriend on Craigslist:

So heres the deal: I just got a new job at a store that employs several very attractive men and women. I kind of have some self esteem issues, so I think if I had a girlfriend I would not only be more confident, but appear better looking to all the women there (Chicks dig a man with a girlfriend).

Unfortunately, the whole girlfriend thing has never really worked well for me. I mean, I'm a good looking guy, but my personality kinda gets in the way. I can never take things very seriously, and that doesn't suit well with the Ladies.

Job duties would include visiting me at work, displaying mild bf/gf activities, and occasionally bringing me Dinner (you will be paid in advance for food).

Now, here's the deal. I will pay you to come into the store (It's in Portage) and pretend to be my girlfriend. Here's why you should respond:

- Will negotiate payment per visit

- Possible discounts at store on certa ... Read more ...