Allen was a kid I knew all through my childhood. Since both of my parents went to work early in the morning, at a young age I would be dropped off at my grandmother's house, about a mile down the road.

The thing is, her house was in the middle of the slums. That's right, even the smallest country town have slums. This one happened to be about 5 streets of cottages, the kind summer/weekenders rent out. These people lived there though. The thing I always found strange was that the slums actually had lake access on a pretty nice lake. It's Michigan though, so I guess there's a lake every mile or so. Forgive me, I digress.

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As you can imagine, the slums were not the nicest place. That was where everyone was introduced to crime, drugs, you name it. Allen was my bus stop friend. I don't think he nor anyone else at the 'stop ever knew that I actually lived a mile away from the hellhole. I was one of them.

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The times I spent in the slums were some of the happiest and scarie ... Read more ...

Since the start of the blogging section, one topic has remained the most talked-about: drugs. Particularly the legalization of marijuana. As stated by greater users than myself, despite popular belief, marijuana is a dangerous drug, like any other pyschoactive drug.

The reason I blog about this today is because of a blog written a few hours earlier. To be honest, the blog wasn't that good, so I don't even remember who wrote it. The main point of the blog was that since medical pharmaceuticals are legal, then so should be marijuana, etc.

The writer was such a Humanitarian. See, he was basically saying that if some harmful drugs are legal, then so should all harmful drugs. What. The. Fuck. See, anonymous-blog-writer-who-wasn't-very-good, Instead of legalizing harmful drugs, shouldnt we Illegalize ALL harmful drugs? But I guess you were thinking more about having fun with weed than the safety of people. Like I said, a real Humanitarian.

In this new movie I'm submitting to lifetime channel, Sarah is looking over her scrapbook (all women secretly have scrapbooks) and we learn that she hasn't seen her estranged mother for nearly 16 years. Her friend calls her, and they end up going clubbing in the big city.

At the club, she meets the man of her dreams. Like all lifetime movies, he is left unnamed, to signify the obvious metaphor for evil, and in the credits hes listed as "Abusive Husband no. 1."

They start dating and everything is just fine. Until one fateful morning, when Sarah burns un-named husbands toast. In the fashion of all lifetime movies, she soon becomes a battered wife.

She finally develops the nerve to run away from her abusive husband, and goes to a battered woman's shelter. But wait! It turns out the shelter is actually run by her estranged mother! First arriving at the shelter, they would argue, but after a few weeks they slowly come to grips with their love as mother and daughte ... Read more ...

In light of watching a weekend of lifetime movies with my family, I've decided to come up with my own. Of course, theyd all have to follow the pattern: woman falls in love, becomes a battered wife, leaves the husband, all is good, husband comes back, wife kills him, they all live happily ever after. Obviously Lifetime doesn't have enough of these movies on the channel, so here we go:

Shelby meets the man of her dreams at a dance club. They both really like the Backstreet Boys, and decide to get married. All is well for a few months, but then the Husband (unnamed like all evil husbands) catches her listening to N*Sync. After weeks of abuse, she runs away. Along the way she meets a bunch of similarly afflicted battered wives, and they decide to form an all-girl-band. YAY! After  the   "People for a Matriarchal Society" or PMS hit platinum, Shelby's evil husband finds her. After a half hour chase scene through a parking structure, she and her bandmates capture him, torture him for a month in a ... Read more ...

Let me tell you all a story bout a man named Jed. Actually, his name was Scott, and he was a total douche. Sometimes he would talk for hours about his "superpowers." He was the type of guy who thought he could win any fight. Im sure you know the type.

So one day at work, I come to the break room to enjoy a bag of hard earned m&ms, which will now be referred to as mms. Why hard earned, do you ask? Did sparks have to fight off a legion of hungry prostitutes for this bag? Did he have to climb a mountain? No, I had to drive to the store. Hard earned indeed.

So I get back there, and lo and behold, Scott is eating my mms. What the fucking shit? Who the fuck eats other peoples fucking candy? As you can tell, I'm still a bit upset about it. I decided to get even.

Later that day I bought another bag, ate all the mms, then filled the bag with rocks and dirt. Oh yes. I flame sealed the bag gently. It looked good. I waited until Scott was working again and left the bag on the ... Read more ...