Monday, July 25th, 2011, 10:23pm EDT
Warning: You may wanna see the movie first. This review contains light spoilers for those who care (for instance, Captain America gets the girl at the end OMG)
2011 is the summer for super hero movies again, it seems. Only this time, there's not really any good ones. There's X-men in the 60's, a shitty Thor, and lastly, ol' Capn Murrika. Now, anyone who knows anything about superheroes knows a couple key indisputable truths: Thor is a fucking stupid character. So is Captain America.
Seriously, every version of Captain America, live-action or anim00ted has been a complete pile of shit. This looked like a gritty reboot (HOLY FUCK CAPTAIN AMERICA USES A GUN), so I figured Hey, it's gotta be great. Right?
I'll skip to the end: Captain America was ok. It wasn't great. It wasn't terrible. As a superhero movie, it was better than most.
That doesn't mean it's not full of flaws and bullshit, no. This IS a superhero movie, afteral ... Read more ...
2011 is the summer for super hero movies again, it seems. Only this time, there's not really any good ones. There's X-men in the 60's, a shitty Thor, and lastly, ol' Capn Murrika. Now, anyone who knows anything about superheroes knows a couple key indisputable truths: Thor is a fucking stupid character. So is Captain America.
Seriously, every version of Captain America, live-action or anim00ted has been a complete pile of shit. This looked like a gritty reboot (HOLY FUCK CAPTAIN AMERICA USES A GUN), so I figured Hey, it's gotta be great. Right?
I'll skip to the end: Captain America was ok. It wasn't great. It wasn't terrible. As a superhero movie, it was better than most.
That doesn't mean it's not full of flaws and bullshit, no. This IS a superhero movie, afteral ... Read more ...
Monday, June 27th, 2011, 10:44pm EDT
I'm a hardworking man. I'm honest. I'm civil. I'm a decent guy.
And for my whole life, one question has plagued me:
WTF You do, sparks?
Let us ponder the implications of this question. What has sparks done? More importantly, What the fuck has sparks done? We can assume WTF means 'what the fuck,' can we not? Does it mean Wanting to Filibuster? Am I a politician? No! Besides, that doesn't make any sense in the context:
"Wanting to Filibuster you do, sparks?" ....See, that's just ridiculous.
But what DID I do?
Did I put a hole in the Ozone layer? No.
Did I kidnap the Lindbergh Baby? No.
I did not steal the cookies from the cookie jar.
What did YOU do, huh? HUH?
Fine. Don't tell me.
And for my whole life, one question has plagued me:
WTF You do, sparks?
Let us ponder the implications of this question. What has sparks done? More importantly, What the fuck has sparks done? We can assume WTF means 'what the fuck,' can we not? Does it mean Wanting to Filibuster? Am I a politician? No! Besides, that doesn't make any sense in the context:
"Wanting to Filibuster you do, sparks?" ....See, that's just ridiculous.
But what DID I do?
Did I put a hole in the Ozone layer? No.
Did I kidnap the Lindbergh Baby? No.
I did not steal the cookies from the cookie jar.
What did YOU do, huh? HUH?
Fine. Don't tell me.
Tuesday, June 7th, 2011, 07:17pm EDT
I'm always hearing people wish they were taller, and that pisses me off. Trust me, you don't wanna be taller. Not even a little bit. You know why? You gotta deal with a bunch of bullshit:
-People ask you questions:
There's two questions I'm asked every single day of my life. Every. Single. Day.
1. Do you do radio? No, but I've got a good face for it. That's my response. When you're tall, a lot of times your vocal cords are stretched out, giving you a deep voice. Yea I talk like Barry White, wanna fight about it?
2. How tall are you? I tell them. Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure. Oh, I've got a broth-you know what? I don't care. The end. Moving on.
- Fittin' into stuff:
Whether its stooping below doorframes or fitting into cars, it's better to be shorter. I went car shopping a couple months ago, and could only fit into about five or six cars. I used to wanna be a fighter pilot, but I found out I was too tall.
You remember that ... Read more ...
-People ask you questions:
There's two questions I'm asked every single day of my life. Every. Single. Day.
1. Do you do radio? No, but I've got a good face for it. That's my response. When you're tall, a lot of times your vocal cords are stretched out, giving you a deep voice. Yea I talk like Barry White, wanna fight about it?
2. How tall are you? I tell them. Are you sure? Yes, I'm sure. Oh, I've got a broth-you know what? I don't care. The end. Moving on.
- Fittin' into stuff:
Whether its stooping below doorframes or fitting into cars, it's better to be shorter. I went car shopping a couple months ago, and could only fit into about five or six cars. I used to wanna be a fighter pilot, but I found out I was too tall.
You remember that ... Read more ...
Monday, May 23rd, 2011, 11:21pm EDT
So you got that important interview? You know, the one that could double your salary? Yea. That one. You better not show up wearing those dress shoes you got from Kohls, son; You need to show your interviewer you know whats up. So first lesson is....
DRESS MO'FUCKING SHOES
First off, you wanna consider how dressy you wanna go. Top of the class-spectrum are wingtips:
Hey guy, save the wingtips for a funeral or a wedding or something. Better yet, don't buy any wingtips. You'll never need 'em. Throw em out.
Ok, so those are ruled out. "What do I wear on my feet, sparks?!" You hear that? That's the voice in your head. It just so happens, I have the answer. Yea. That's right.
Right below ... Read more ...
DRESS MO'FUCKING SHOES
First off, you wanna consider how dressy you wanna go. Top of the class-spectrum are wingtips:
Hey guy, save the wingtips for a funeral or a wedding or something. Better yet, don't buy any wingtips. You'll never need 'em. Throw em out.
Ok, so those are ruled out. "What do I wear on my feet, sparks?!" You hear that? That's the voice in your head. It just so happens, I have the answer. Yea. That's right.
Right below ... Read more ...
Tuesday, May 17th, 2011, 05:01pm EDT
Although I am a very active commentator throughout the blog section, it's been some time since I've actually written anything for the site. Between Accelerated summer classes at the university, the full-time job, and that kinda-sorta-girlfriend of mine, I just don't have any time. But Sparks, you're thinking, It doesn't take long to write at all! Yea. You're right.
The problem is that I don't have any time to think about things to write, AND I don't have time to finish stories I've started. So, on my drive home from class today, writing this blog occurred to me: I got home, booted up my Work in Progress file in Word (Yea, I have a whole file), and took a look at what I had:
August: A collection of short/flash fiction concerning a peculiar day in August. I've posted two on here already. I plan to have an entire book full.
... Read more ...
The problem is that I don't have any time to think about things to write, AND I don't have time to finish stories I've started. So, on my drive home from class today, writing this blog occurred to me: I got home, booted up my Work in Progress file in Word (Yea, I have a whole file), and took a look at what I had:
August: A collection of short/flash fiction concerning a peculiar day in August. I've posted two on here already. I plan to have an entire book full.
... Read more ...
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