Its no secret that guys are pretty simple and chicks are complicated. There are the exceptions. I have a friend who always gives waiters very specific, detailed instructions on how the cook should prepare his meal, only to complain when his dish arrives. He will sometimes send it back to be redone. Im guessing he eats a lot of spit and pubic hair. Generally, though, guys are simple and chicks are complicated.
Obviously females are complex emotionally and I will not go into that as I need to be to bed before morning but I was thinking today about how girls/women always seem to complicate things in general. Take a living space for example. The less crap you have, the less there is to clean. Chicks seem to have this need to collect shit that just serves no purpose like trinkets and knick-knacks and wall hangings. It serves NO FUNCTION other than to make dusting last an hour longer than it should. My ideal living room has a couch, a TV, a coffee ... Read more ...
After my Grandma died Grandpa developed an interest in butterflies. I spent a lot of time with him in those last few years of his life and for that brief, wonderful time in my childhood, when I would go "hunting" for butterflies with my Grandpappy, I felt as though I had a purpose.
"Hunting" is what we would jokingly call butterfly collecting. On any given Saturday we would head out bright and early. The "hunt" would last the better part of the day and often we would return home empty-handed. That was OK because I was spending time with my Grandpa, bonding and laughing.
Occasionally, though, we would spot a specimen that Grandpa deemed worthy and the chase would be on. We would follow the butterfly until the time was just right and only then would we pounce and hurry home with our catch. What fun to marvel at the beauty of it! We would keep it alive and try not to frighten it but eventually Grandpa would have to put it painlessly to sleep and we would add it to our collection in the cellar. ... Read more ...
I drink a bit. Often. Sometimes a LOT. Is it a problem? Well, my car payment is $310 per month and since my DUI my insurance is $299 per month. BTW, for you older folk, a DUI (Driving Under the Influence) is the same as a DWI (Driving While Intoxicated) They changed it because "intoxicated" meant alcohol but now they can pop you for being "under the influence" of any substance they deem to have the ability to impair your judgement and slow your reflexes. I guess this means I could get a DUI on my way home from a Grande Combo meal at the local AZTECA restaraunt.
I pled guilty because if I were to have taken a deferred sentence, I would still have had to pay high insurance premiums, install an ignition interlock (breathalyzer) in my car, and attend a Victim Impact Panel PLUS, I would have had 2 years of treatment and AA and NO ALCOHOL!! FUCK 2 YEARS? By pleadeng guilty I still have all of the above EXCEPT for the treatment and AA. I would have been ... Read more ...
Today at work I needed to take a crap. I could feel that it was going to be of heroic proportion and so I was pleased to find our one-seat mens' room available. I was greeted by the stench of coworker poop. OK, I normally let the fan run for a while before entering if the guy before me has just dropped a brown bomb but if my brewing #2 had been a baby, my water would have broken and I would have been dialated to like 10cm. I sometimes use the single-toilet ladies' room to go but I just knew my business was going to be ripe-smelling and I DO have a small measure of respect. I HAD TO GO so I decided to bury my nose in my shirt like Bazooka Joe and breath my own deodorant. Then I saw the skid marks. It looked as if someone had spread cupcake frosting in the bowl. A simple extra flush is usually enough to rinse any residule fudge from our high-flo mixing bowl but after three flushes the brown smears were holding strong. Now, I'm not about to take a dump in a bowl of water teeming with deuce molocules from one ... Read more ...
