I already know I'm going to be branded a racist but I live in Seattle and the big news story here is the cop that punched a chick who assaulted him while he was stopping her for jaywalking. The big deal? He is white and she is black and now the SUL (Seattle Urban League) the "Black Community" the NAACP, and probably the NBA and NCAA crying racism.

Here's the short vid: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/81013742/

I posted it Minday night 'cuz I KNEW the story was going to go national. EBW will probably feature someone else's version after the story is more stale than those Nilla Wafers that are always in Grandma's cupboard and she tries to give them to you and calls them "Cookies."

Here's some background that the national news isn't reporting. The cop's job is to enforce use of a pedestrian overpass by a school. The community demanded the overpass because of light rail in the area. The school doesn't want to be sued when some kid gets turn ... Read more ...

If you love something, set it free, unless it's a hooker in your trunk. In that case, you might want to be a little more discrete. You'd probably have to kill her or something but you'd probably get caught unless you thought of everything...

Cops do all this forensic shit nowdays, like fiber analysis and DNA.

Yeah, they take, like, your pubes from the chick's thigh and sequence your DNA so you should probably go to a nasty public restroom first and gather as many stray pubes as you can and spread them out on the ho's body.

Hell, you could even go to a video booth peep show and sop up some of the yuk-puddle from the floor and leave random sperm cells all around the body but if a CSI guy uses a scanning electronic microscope, he can see if those polywogs have been dead for a couple days so you'd want to make sure it was one of the cleaner video peep shows so there is no decaying bro-flow aging on the floor for more than an hour or two. T ... Read more ...

As the waters off Louisiana become more saturated with oil runoff than a body builder's taint, officials at BP said today that there were no plumes of underwater oil, even though it has been shown to be true.

If BP is not out-and-out lying, like they were when they gave minimized estimates on the amount of crude leaking each day, and on the (in)effedtiveness of the Top Hat or Top Kill or Stop Gap or Fap Clap or whatever, then they are more in denail than the Black Night in Monty Python's "Quest for the Holy Grail." When he had his arm cut off he first denied it, then downplayed it, saying it was just a flesh wound.

Perhaps the whole thing can be chalked up to British humor, which is either stupidly fucking idiotic like that unfunny faggoty Mr.Bean, or more dry than Rue McClanahan's cunny-hole. The whole thing SEEMS as surreal as a Monty Python sketch, doesn't it? Think of BP as Eric Idol and the media as John Cleese....

Media: What have you to say abou ... Read more ...

So I'm in Salem, Oregon this weekend for a friend's wedding. That's right, I'm surrounded by 'Gon-Heads. 'Gon-Head is a name a buddy and I came up with in high school for people with Oregon license plates. I still use it today.

I live about 45 minutes north of Seattle. (In western Washington we don't measure neighborhoods in miles, we measure them in minutes) The drive down here took 5 hours. 

Usually, the only way I spend five hours sitting on my ass is if I happen to pass out with a two-thirds empty 211 Steel Reserve in my hand. I generally wake up around 4am, urgently needing to empty my bladder, and some extended commercial for a TIME/LIFE collection of the 100 best Hip-Hop love songs playing on the TV. 

Shit, wasn't I watching some show about WWII before I fell asleep? Fuck! I wanted to see the end to find out who won...

Salem is pretty much like Seattle. They have the same liberal hippie shit as we do up in Washington only here it's a little different. They don't have a sa ... Read more ...

Today I had a couple prescriptions filled. Nothing good like the ones that warn you not to mix with alcohol or to operate heavy machinery while using. What a gyp!

In line before me was a 30-something, white, jackass-looking dude. I heard him complain to the pharmacist, "My doctor said the insurance would cover this."

Inaudible pharmacist reply.

The guy reluctantly got out of line mumbling, "Typical...doctors are all hacks...fucking quacks... that's what's wrong with the American medical system...wasting my fucking time..."

As I conducted my transaction, dude got on his cell, presumably to his ol' lady, "Yeah... at Wallgreen's wasting my FUCKING time...because they don't accept medical coupons, now I gotta' go to fucking QFC...yeah...fucking American medical system..."

Let me explain why this pissed me off so. A year or so ago my wages were cut 20%. The incentive bonuses I ued to receive were stopped. My gross income for 2009 was over 10,000bucks less than it was a couple ... Read more ...