i can remember when i was a little girl my mema gave me the most beautiful kite for her birthday :) she was sweet like that to me. see my mom had a habit of marrying complete bastards who never really allowed me toys or to be a kid....some hand me downs or crap like that. but this kite was different it was beautiful.

purple and red made a star across it and the coolest sparkly gold tail hung spiraling down from it. she told me i could fly it down at the beach after dinner...i barely ate.

it was glorious bouncing around the sky. something so wonderful all to myself. id never had anything so precious. then the wind picked up and tugged hard at the kite. my small hands flinched and i dropped the handle. it skipped along the sand just a teasing distance from me.

i ran arms outstretched after it....my heart beating hard, tears welling up. i was able to grab the string and held on tightly as it cut through the pink skin of my hands. i remember crying looking up at my beautiful kit ... Read more ...

yeah not what you think...im having a bad night...or just for the moment cuz i have a bottle here that says he wont allow all this bull shit to continue to fuck up my night. and im with him.

no just something happened this evening that kinda made me feel small and insignificant and it threw me back into my childhood. something i try to avoid seeing as how i didnt have the greatest...and not the worst either. we all have our stories but this is mine and ill cry if i want to.

so tonight i got left behind..not purposefully so they say but i find things like that hard to believe when the appointment was sent in advance and multiple relays during the day stated my excitement over the upcoming event. so saying "ohh i didnt mean too" doesnt really take the sharp edge off the cut of telling me you have something better to do.

theres your background to the the feeling im battling at the moment.

back when i was a kid my mom went through husbands...i dont know my dad im sure hes a nice guy ... Read more ...

what i did may seem wrong but its what had to be done...i was to be queen. it is what my race does to continue to thrive...it has gone on for centuries and centuries on end.

i couldnt help but to check on him after my transformation. the look in his eyes as he said "i love you" had burned into my mind i couldnt shake the feeling that i had hurt him too deeply. i would stare at him hanging in the dungeon and a fire of shame would race through my body. i did love him back, he had struck something very deeply inside me, and it pained me to see his head hang so low. as queen i made sure he was taken care of very gently compared to the others. i knew if he loved me completely i would die but i had to keep his hope alive, for if it left him i knew he would die. thats when i decided to take a risk, to give him a chance that if his wits were about him he could escape the island. but i have to admit that i hoped he would stay and hide on the island...knowing that if he left me i would be punished and turned ... Read more ...