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I know you have some kind of bro crush on me right now, and my biceps, and no one can blame you for that. The problem is that you're a full blown useless faggot, and I'm not, but even if I was a dick vacuum I still wouldn't talk to you because you wouldn't be in my class of faggots. I would have numerous delicious strong and beautiful men tongue punching my fart box while you would be trolling the truck stops for some fat hairy smelly man butter. You're a faggot.
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I eat nails for breakfast and wash it down with gasoline. I piss fire, and I fart rust. I shit out magnets, and I cum at 160psi of pure fucking excellence, cancer-curing, baby making man butter. *FLEXES* BOOM!
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So picture this, we're all in a dark room. You hear a few dozen different voices. You know you're surrounded by a lot of people, talking to them, getting to know them.. then you realize it's only been two schizophrenics the whole time changing their voices. Hi, I'm new here.
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Step 1) Join new site. Step 2) Convince people how epic you are and that you can hang. Step 3) Get your hurt butthole handed back to you for being a n00b. Step 4) Make another account and join the site again. Step 5) Rage like a motherfucker, no fucks given. Step 6) Think you're better than this but they forced you to be an asshole. Step 7) Masturbate furiously. Step 8) Get a feature with the new account. Step 9) Find a new found love for this new shit site. Step 10) Be yourself for a change. Step 11) Get your hurt butthole handed back to you again. Step 12) Realize your real personality sucks fucking ass. Step 13) Make a new account and join again. -Welcome to Ebaums.
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Well me and my uncle Bud decided to go on a fishing trip last weekend and lets just say the weekend did not go as planned. Uncle Bud insisted that he drive stating that his days spent working in a prison garage made him more qualified. As we roared down the interstate in Bud's 1977 ford pinto Uncle Bud started rubbing my leg. Now don't get me wrong, my uncle is not that bad looking for a 67 year old man. Sure he is overweight, has a glass eye and always has a huge glob of redman in his cheek but other than that , a pretty decent man. And a hell of a good cook. As we neared our destination which turned out to be the 1 acre pond smack dab in the middle of the local dump I was ready to stretch my legs and finally spit out the buttplug my uncle insisted I wear for "our trip". As soon as we unloaded our gear which surprisingly only consisted of several jars of dough ball bait, a 7 foot piece of twine and a contraption my uncle refereed to as the " corn holer". Soon after we were greeted by 7 what appeared to be Cuban dump workers. These men, obviously friends of Bud's were here to join us in our weekend outing. Now here is where things took a turn for the worse. Soon after I was introduced to the Cuban fellers I was subdued and forcefully strapped into Bud's famed device only known as the "corn holer". I was lubed up with what looked like axle grease and one of the Cubans forced a 18 ounce tube of Jimmy Dean sausage into my turd cutter. The other men laughed and high fived as I wiggle in pain. With a tube of breakfast meat in me and 7 greasy cubans peering over me I decided "what the hell" I might as well enjoy my self! As I grabbed my cock And forced the meat out of my now bloody and protruding rectum I yelled out to uncle Bud wanting more. I laid there and was able to take 7 cuban cocks in my turd holster. Not all at once. Thats impossible. One of the Cubans was able to stuff his work boot all the way in my rectum using only dough ball bait as lube. I held the boot in my man canal as Bud shit directly into my mouth. Bud then took his turd and made me deepthroat it until I puked. As you probably guessed it the puke was used as lube and a dead 18lb carp was slammed directly in my man cunt. Bud and a couple of the Cubans then attempted to hook what looked like jumper cables to my taint. Actually one was on my taint and the other was attached to the neck of my scrotum. To my surprise I was shocked with the full brunt of the Pintos electrical system. As the muscle spasms forced me to shit out the carp Bud then pulled out a funnel and started whistling the theme to Andy Griffith. I have no idea why. As he put the funnel into my infected rectum he then poured 4 gallons of transmission fluid up my bung. I could actually taste it in my mouth... weird huh? As fist after fist was positioned into my hole Bud sat in the background and screamed the scouts oath at me attempting to calm me down. As I lay there covered in my own cum, the cubans cum, axle grease and transmission fluid I wondered if we would ever catch any fish. I could barely walk the next day and have diarrhea still. My asshole looks like it has been through a meat grinder and my balls are burnt beyond recognition. I have developed a severe rectal infection and my boy hole drips a thick sludge that smells like gutted fish. My cock is bent to one side and has what looks like a boot print bruised on it and I have been pissing blood ever since. Needless to say; we didn't catch any fish that day and I still suspect my uncle Bud stole my glasses.