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RJM's Messages


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  • Last Login: 20 weeks ago
  • User Since: Jun 8, 2007

About Me


( ) Get Liza to issue a restraining order on me.
(x) Convince Warrior he has homosexual tendencies.
(x) Convince Warrior so does 93.6% of eBaumers.
(x) RJM, you have the official Bifkin stamp of
approval; fucking funny shit, man.
(x) Free UofL3000.
(x) Organize a hostile takeover of eBaums staff.
(x) Make enough eReps to make a phone call.
( ) Make enough eReps to make a phone call without calling collect.
(x) Get Ali to send me a photo of her ass.
(x) Make an avatar of it.
( ) Blog about being stranded at the mall.
( ) Have eBabies with PoisonIV.
( ) Use "douchebag" in a comment.
(x) Have a subscriber.
(x) Kill a man for a klondike bar.
(x) Classify a sexually transmitted disease in NutGobblers name.
( ) Find the cure for NutGobblers.
(x) Get TotallyLovable to make her next tattoo with my name on it. (Unconfirmed. Send the pic, TL!)
( ) Somehow recover my wallet from Police Evidence.
(x) Rummage through Katie's Hello Kitty trashcan.
( ) Sell this fair condition Hello Kitty undergarment on eBay (Item 380064051034). Proceeds to support Hello Kitty addicts anonymous.
(x) Get an STD from Rachel.
(x) Buy a lock for the door. Damn roomies! Sorry Rachel...
(x) Steal Gabby's eNoob-ginity. It didn't last long, but was fantastic!
(x) Give Bugaboo the Hee-Bee Gee-Bees.
(x) Make Bugaboo admit she's fallen madly in love with me. (I love you too!)
(x) Survey HunterDad's wife's wonderful property.
( ) Watch Makelove make love to my wife.
(x) Tinker MommyD's Bell.
(x) Make Jugs my 18-year old bride/niece in Vegas in March (When she turns 18!)
(x) Get Gintaras to help me break out of prison so I can make the wedding!
( ) Mix Brittany's letters.
(x) Record a video of Mari74... In the shower... With her massage shower head...
(x) Epically scare the shit out of Gizmo
(x) Lose my eNoobginity to Breena.
(x) Boomshakalaka: RJM you make awesome avatars. ones that make mine look like baby shit.
( ) Have a TV Tray dinner with Sarah.
(x) Bug BuG... (!!!)
( ) Creep with Jennie.
(x) Design a home that even Mclovine thinks is awesome.
(x) Give Eric a wedgie.
(x) "I'm totally in e-love with you right now" -Girl totally in e-love with me. (Why does this only happen through electronic means???)
( ) Cami. Through the window... ;)
(x) Frame O.J.
( ) Convince Mallory she's WAY cooler than me.
( ) Convince Katie that killing kitties in the microwave does not make you less emo. Actually it makes you more emo.
( ) Sleep at night.
(x) Ask JBoogie to go to Prom with me.
( ) Die by the expert killer hands of Emily.
( ) Sneak CarGirl in an over 18 club.
(x) Do Mari's plumbing, on the house.
( ) Let LittleB0mbshell exorcise my demons.
( ) Satisfy M's wishes!
( ) Discover the Absolute Maximum of the area between the curves of Jen's pi, my exponential growth, and f(x)=C.
( ) Get my pilot's license this year!
( ) Find out who came first, me or EggOnlyEgg.
( ) Force myself on Ali! If she'll let me, of course...
(x) Send a nude picture to Gabby.
( ) ...of me.
(x) целовать руку ATTION.
( ) Meet Roman.
( ) Adopt Sabrina.
(x) See beyond the Sexy in SexyJess.
( ) Join the Mile High Club while inside Clouds.
(x) Make a ridiculously long Goal List that no one will actually read all the way through, except Twidget.
(x) Inspire a religion in which I am the savior.
(x) Inspire a religion in which I am the savior twice within a year.
(x) "This site is just an idea. RJM's sick mind is in control. I'm a little scared and I can't stop looking out the window."
(x) "it seems like everyone here is just trying to suck RJM's dick....not to be gay but I hate feeling left out :( "
(x) I didn't want to love him, but ... RJM seriously needs to start his own Charm School. -bugaboo
(x) Revenge! He touched me and gave me Jesus Juice. :'(
(x) Stalk an underage girl on the internet, only to find out she's a 53 year old guy from Ohio.
( ) Make a fake girl account.
(x) Make a real girl account.
(x) I accidentally the whole economy!
( ) Send a delivery of some REAL Klondike Bars to Fort Erie, Canada.
( ) Make something happen in Vegas next time I stay in Vegas.
(x) I eat Oreos for the love of my country. "and if you don't eat oreos...then you hate America" -sdsurfergrl5
(x) Get me some real Canadian Pancakin'!
( ) Meet Alex halfway.
( ) Do something legal only in Paris.
(X) "DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA WHAT HELL U PUT ME THROUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Guy that deleted his FB because of me.
(X) "Angus third pounders...sounds like another one of RJM's home movies." -NG
( ) Build a shelter for penguins. Penguins with toolbelts. And hard hats. Wearing my toolbelt, a hard hat, soupy ice cream and a smile. All proceeds to benefit Bbaby and penguins with not enough shoes.
(X) Become the usda but 4 womunz. Thanks MasturChi3f.
( ) Don't hate me 'cause I'm beautiful.
(X) Hate me 'cause I'm beautiful.
( ) Get the difference between dubstep and house music. "okay...*breathes* dub step is WUBWUBWUB party boy, aka: house/electronic is UNCEUNCEUNCE." -BlueBerry
(X) Gay hype for my penis. "If I didn't know better i'd really think the
guys in here are gay with the hype of RJM's
penis....................... pics?" -Gyps
( ) Kidnap Katie.
( ) Forever.
(X) RJM is the best kind of stalker. You aren't bothered with all the bad emotions and fear of being stalked, because by the time you find out about it you already love him. Or you're dead.
(X) "i liek RJfuckinM moar than the cicks on this
site...and thats fuckin fuckerd" -rockczar
(X) Make everyone think of me when they think of sex. "This just goes to show you, Ryan, that people can't think about sex, without thinking about you."
( ) RJM, you should start out by
"accidentally" bumping into her on
the street. Turn on the RJM charm to break the
ice. Make her smile, then laugh, then ask her
if you made her wet that day in kindergarten
when you showed her your half pack of mentos
on the jungle gym.

(XXX) Canadian Pancakes.

"Hi Ryan. Ryan! Its Dominic. I met you tonight. You are sooo cute, oh my god Ryan. I hope you remember me, you're so cu-*burps*, cute. You hit it off right away. I loved your shirt and I think you are so funny and I really, like I've never felt that kind of chemistry before! AND we both have the same interest in yo-yos *giggle giggle* Don't you think that�s funny? No one else likes holding...likes yo-yos like WE like yo-yos. Remember, Ryan? I HOPE you remember, HOPE you remember... Anyways, UM... I know you said that tomorrow is kinda crazy for you. You know, with all that stuff, you know? Umm, but, I'd love to get in touch with you this week, next week. Anyway, just reach out to me whenever you're free, I gave you my business card. I hope you remember I work at EBAY. EBAY, that's E-B-A- *swallows puke sound* B-A-Y. UMM..EBAY, E-B-A-Y. I...I think you've heard of it. You remembered it kind of. Anyway Ryan, UM...I hope you have a great rest of the night. You looked so cute tonight in your little shirt...your little shirt and your lil pants *giggle giggle* Um, I know you said you had to leave urgently, um, I hope everything is okay. I get indigestion sometimes too, so... I hope that.. you know, you know everything's good. But, I hope you have a great Friday night. You deserve a great weekend and um, call me, email me, IM me, fax me, page me, you have all my contact information. Can't wait to hear from you soon, have a great night, Ryan! And um...I'll talk to you soon, k! OH! Um, and if you need to get in touch with me, I'll be at Jamba Juice. know, where I work. Jamba Juice. That's J-A-M-B-A, B-A juice. Juice as in J like, ummmmm, *silence* like- like umm..J as in...SHOOT. Oh my gosh, you make me so nervous Ryan. J as in mmm, J as in juice! U as in Eunice, like the name. Ugh, I *love* that name. I as in I. C as in cat... Cat. E as in E. K?! Umm, so I'll be at Jamba Juice. Talk to you soon and... um... yeah! I'd love to hear from you, give me a call whenever. I'm available. And single. You know. Yeah. K! Bye Ryan."


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