The other night I was invited out for a night with the girls. I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!" Well, the hours passed and the champagne was going down way too easy. Around 3am, drunk as a skunk, I headed home.

There's this old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish who kept confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "if I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say they had "fallen".

A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.