Is There Really Something Better to Say Than “I’m Cumming”?

The English language has seen some incredible achievements in its time: Shakespeare and his invention of over 1,700 words, many of which we still use today, for example, or the transformation of “slay” from a synonym for murder to a word of encouragement

By LeonTrout

Published 2 years ago in Funny


The English language has seen some incredible achievements in its time: Shakespeare and his invention of over 1,700 words, many of which we still use today, for example, or the transformation of “slay” from a synonym for murder to a word of encouragement and celebration (“You slayed that look!”).


Despite these linguistic feats, we somehow haven’t been able to come up with a feasible alternative for shouting “I’m cumming” at the moment of climax during sex. For years, internet users have tried and failed to provide different options that are either less embarrassing, funnier or “more elegant” than the tried-and-true “I’m cumming.”



Reddit eggheads are back on the case once again, though, and the suggestions are… varied. One user wrote, “No joke, I once came so hard my brain shut down and I just mumbled to my wife ‘here it is’ and that was it,” which we appreciate for its straightforwardness. Another added, “When me and my now wife were first dating and hadn’t said ‘I love you’ yet, I once mixed up ‘Fuck, I’m coming!’ and ‘I love you’ and just shouted ‘Fuck you!’ at her,” which is probably not ideal for widespread adoption.


A different Redditor, obviously a graduate of the Bridgerton school of dirty talk, suggested, “My dear Evelyn, I hope this letter finds you well. As I write this to you, the clothes are spread across the floor of my bedchamber. I do regret to inform you that I am about to arrive. — Forever yours, Thomas.”



Others opted for even simpler suggestions, including the THX sound, the dial-up connecting sound (using this would definitely immediately identify you as Old), or shouting “Yahtzee!” For the Canadians, there’s always a simple “sorry,” or for the Australians, “crikey.”


Or, if you don’t mind never seeing your sexual partner again, you could borrow one user’s suggestion and quote Percy Bysshe Shelley’s “Ozymandias”: “Look on my Works, ye Mighty, and despair!”

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‘Make the Fucking Drink’: Startenders and Mixologists Have Now Completely Lost the Plot

"Ima need the alcohol version of Salt Bae to calm down and just serve the drinks."

By figgyPudding

Published 2 years ago in Facepalm


I don't know about you, but when I order a drink at the bar, I do it because I WANT THE FUCKING DRINK! If I wanted to watch what @SimplyMatthias aptly calls "the alcohol version of Salt Bae" juggle some bottles while I'm thirsty, I'd go to the circus. 


Roccodeangelis97 is an Italian bartender and TikToker who makes videos showcasing his version of classic drinks. But with just about every video over two minutes long, his showmanship for the camera comes at the expense of giving people what they really want: their alcohol. 


"You notice the bar's empty cause it takes him 50 minutes to make one drink," a TikTok user joked. 



"Lol just gimmie my damn drink tf," @MMBliving commented.


A clip of his "Old Fashioned" has over 10 million views on Twitter, posted with the question, "How much do you think you’re getting charged?"


"No more than $9 if it’s just Four Roses," @ASnyder0913 answered, pointing out the bourbon.


"I'm not getting charged anything, though I might get thrown out of the bar," @Smiling_Fenrir quipped. 


Mixology is cool, and bartenders who know how to put on a good show can definitely add to a place's experience. Rocco's videos are all in good fun, but if I don't get my drink because he's busy stamping his ice, I might need to settle things the 'old fashioned' way. 

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