In 2023, Natalie, a 39-year-old software saleswoman based in Orlando, learned she could orgasm without any touching. Two years and lots of practice later, Natalie has mostly chosen the stillness of her mind over vibrating dildos and rabbits, and proudly claims that her sex life has, much like her orgasms, improved greatly. Now she preaches the good news to others: All you need to see the light is a little imagination.

Ever since I was little, I’ve been able to remember many of my dreams. Honestly, I’ve probably been lucid dreaming my entire life without realizing it.

Eventually, I started having sexually charged dreams. Sometimes I’d wake up remembering the dream, and I’d notice that my body was still in a state of arousal. I realized the dream wasn’t just inside my head — something was happening to my body, too.

At first I would just touch myself and finish the job. Soon, though, I was waking up so close to reaching an orgasm that I only needed to touch myself for five seconds to finish. It was like setting off a bomb. This is crazy, I thought. I wonder if I can just orgasm without actually touching myself.

The first time I managed to do so wasn’t a small feat. It took a long time and lots of work to get to that point. Over time, I was able to create a really strong mind-body connection, and now it’s very easy for me to drop into a deeply relaxed state. I do this by progressive relaxation — it’s like turning your body off, but keeping your mind on without dreaming. I’ll start from the top of my head and relax every single muscle; all the way down my face — my eyelids, my cheeks, my nose, my lips — the front of my throat, the back of my throat, all the way down to my whole body.

After I’m deeply relaxed, I can start visualizing what I want to happen, and I can feel blood flowing down there as if I’m touching myself. I think of it as meditation: When you’re meditating, you’re trying to get to the point where you’re comfortable without any thoughts. It’s the same thing, but instead of focusing on not having thoughts, I put all the energy on a very specific area of my body, and my body just responds. Now, when I’m fully relaxed, I can close my eyes, be in full darkness and see perfectly. If you bring your senses into your visualizations, your body can respond — and that’s key.

I visualize anything that arouses me, like a partner touching me in a certain place or certain way, or how I like to touch myself. I picture my hand going down there, touching and rubbing, and in return, I start to feel the sensations getting more and more intense. For me, masturbation is a very slow and sensual process, so that’s how I imagine it in my mind.

A lot of people struggle with visualization. They haven't learned to close their eyes and see. We all do it — think about daydreaming, for example — but we often don’t even realize it.

One of the prerequisites for being successful in orgasming without touch is getting in touch with your imagination and visualization skills — that’s the most important thing. You also have to really get to know your body by truly spending the time to explore it. Not with toys, though. Toys are great and I love them, but it’s really important to tap into your sensuality and physically connect with yourself and your own body. Sometimes, when we use a toy, we force an orgasm. Instead, it’s important to honor the body by learning all its sensual points (which are more than just the clitoris). When I masturbate, I take an hour. It’s not a 10-minute thing — it’s making love to myself.

There is a technique to really getting to know your own body. My advice — besides not using toys — is to use your hand, and avoid penetration. Use slow touches, focus on your breathing, and resist the urge to tense up. Explore all the different areas, and sit with yourself while you do that. If you don’t even know the places in your vagina where you can feel pleasure, how can you possibly visualize them?

Once you can visualize on command and know your body well, you can start with the mind-body connection. For the first couple times, you can just visualize touching yourself and notice if your body is reacting and getting aroused.

You’ll know you’ve created a good mind-body connection when you can successfully get yourself aroused, and you’re off to the races. Then you can start to build and build and build upon that foundation. It might be incremental, like it was for me. Maybe at first you arouse yourself 10 percent and then finish the rest with your hand, then the next time it's 20 percent, then 50 and so on. It can be incredibly frustrating at first, but with practice and repetition you're going to get to 100 eventually.

My personal success rate is roughly seven out of ten. In three of those times, I end up needing to bring my hand in. Sometimes I lose the orgasm, and my ability to bring it back depends on how sexually frustrated I get. When I was first learning to do this, there were many times when I was almost there, but I couldn’t get myself over the line. It was so frustrating that I eventually would just “boop” my clit and make myself come. Thoughts in your head can also present a challenge. There are times when I’m working toward it, then suddenly, an intruding thought pops into my head. If I follow it rather than letting it go, it can pull me out.

Intruding thoughts aside, with the right training, orgasming without touch is totally possible for everyone. The interesting thing is that it can make your sex life much better — it definitely improved mine. I’m more in touch with my body now, and I have a much stronger mind-body connection. Because of this, I’m more open and better able to express myself with others, and I have better and easier orgasms.

Not to mention, a lot more of them, too.