I’m a simple creature, really. I wake up, shave, wash my ass and refresh Sydney Sweeney’s Instagram for an hour straight, hoping she’s dropped a new bikini pic. But yesterday, while going through my morning routine, I came across a brand I hadn’t thought about in years: American Eagle.

Sweeney, the star of Euphoria, Madame Web and countless other Hollywood projects, had a different message for me. No, it wasn’t a photo of her bare ass; it was an ad where she had covered herself in denim from head-to-toe.

American Eagle popping +22% after announcing a partnership with Sydney Sweeney is the efficient market at work pic.twitter.com/NbFLYQUSVo

Advertisement

— Trung Phan (@TrungTPhan) July 24, 2025

Over the last few months, Sweeney has become the face of two notable products: soap and jeans. And her impact on the value of the companies behind those products has done exactly what their investors had hoped — gone fully erect.

The Sydney Sweeney Economy is booming.

Dr. Squatch—
• Launches Sydney Sweeney bathwater soap
• Bought by Unilever one month later

American Eagle—
• Launches Sydney Sweeney ad campaign
• Shares pop 11% at the open
• Adds $200 million in market cap pic.twitter.com/XwoEtVYy2P

— Morning Brew ☕️ (@MorningBrew) July 24, 2025

Dr. Sasquatch, the company Sweeney became a partner with to huck soap, recently sold to Unilever for $1.5 billion, and since her new ad campaign with American Eagle was released yesterday, the company’s market value has increased by $200 million.

I’m not an economist (clearly), but I have an idea on how we can lower the federal deficit — as well as just the person for the job.