A Reddit user posed the question "What is something you shouldn't say on an elevator" and people chimed in with some funny, bizarre, and truly WTF responses to the question. Here are a few of the best ones:
True story: This happened quite a few years ago, I was working for a company and the offices were in a high-rise building.
5:00 PM We get into the elevator, there are about 12-15 people.
Mark sees Marta and says: hello Martha, I haven't seen you in a very long time. When are you due?
Martha: I am not pregnant.
For the entire elevator ride, you could cut the silence with a knife.
I think I know this one because I did it and it went over very, very poorly. We got stuck in a packed elevator in about 100° heat. After 30 minutes and a panic attack by someone in the back I couldn’t see, I said “so.. I guess we should decide who we’re eating first?” Real awkward for the next hour until the fire department got us out.
Wearing an earbud/ Bluetooth ear piece and saying "the target is in the elevator right now".
They did a fantastic job at cleaning this elevator, you can't even tell someone got murdered here. Then silence.
"We'll be fine, we've got at least another 10 minutes worth of air."
"Oh shit, calm down, don't freak out you're using up more oxygen."
"it's good to know I'm not going to die alone".
That noise your body involuntarily makes right before you’re about to puke.
“this feels faster than usual”.
True story, my mom and dad were in a crowded elevator while my mom was very obviously pregnant to the point of bursting. I guess she looks at my dad and says, "When are you going to tell your wife about me?" My parents are happily married; she was just pranking him. My dad said it was the longest elevator ride of his life.
Saying the floor numbers out loud, and as you start going up or down say the numbers with increasing excitement.
"Lord forgive me for what I'm about to do" in the most apologetic and shakiest voice you can muster.
Me and my friend used to tease each other. Once we were in an elevator and I asked: do you still have lice? We were left alone right after the next stop.
Act like you're talking on your phone and scratching like crazy. "Calm down, calm down, I said scabies, not rabies".
"Has anyone seen the movie Devil, where people get stuck in an elevator? And someone goes on a killing spree?"
Just pick one person and say: "We tried to reach you about your car's extended warranty"
Pretending to talk on a phone: "Well, the doctor will let me know as soon as the test results are back if it's tuberculosis."
"Well, I guess I COULD call it 'Super Contagious Anal Fungus', but that's not a very catchy name. How about 'Elevator Syndrome' in honor of where I first caught it"
Hold your phone to your ear and say, "It was working ok with just the one old cable but now I think there's too much weight for it"
Don't say anything at all, but take the whole trip standing at the door, facing in.
“I bet you’re wondering why I’ve gathered you here this evening”.
I am a delivery driver and any time I’m in an elevator with people I say “You hear about all the people who died in this elevator?”
Before we start does anyone want to get out?
Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go! Gotta go! Big sigh never mind too late.
I've always been a fan of "This body is weak, I must find a new host".
Do the classic trick from the roller-coaster. Bring a huge nut/bolt with you, and just as everyone is strapped in and it starts going, bend down, pretend to pick it up, and go "Hmm, what's this for?"