What the Hell Happened to Jeremy Allen White’s Bulge?
Ahead of the release of The Iron Claw next month, the internet’s favorite white boy Jeremy Allen White recently participated in a sporty photoshoot that saw him spend more than five minutes outside a kitchen for once.
Published 1 year ago in Funny
Ahead of the release of The Iron Claw next month, the internet’s favorite white boy Jeremy Allen White recently participated in a sporty photoshoot that saw him spend more than five minutes outside a kitchen for once.
The Iron Claw, which also stars Zac Efron, is a biopic about wrestler Kevin Von Erich and his family; Efron plays Kevin, while White plays his younger brother Kerry. While buzz around the movie is decent, particularly considering White’s popularity as a result of his role as Carmy Berzatto on The Bear and the fact it’s being distributed by A24, one Twitter user wanted to address a far more pressing concern: What happened to White’s bulge?
What happened to a good ol American bulge? Not an ounce of cock or balls. PASS pic.twitter.com/beZV9fgana
— Margaretsnatchr (@margaretsnatchr) November 7, 2023
In the photo, White is dressed as a 1970s-era wrestling coach, an obvious reference to the upcoming film. He’s wearing a white vest and tight red shorts, and considering how tight the shorts are, Twitter user margaretsnatchr had to ask, “What happened to a good ol American bulge?” before adding, “ Not an ounce of cock or balls. PASS.”
Ouch. Poor Jeremy.
One reply suggested that White was tucking. Another user suggested that the problem lay with the nature of the shorts’ material, adding, “It’s also why you don’t see bulges with good quality wet suits.”
Others jokingly blamed “woke culture” for the missing bulge, while a few other people decried GQ’s “Ken doll ass editing” for White’s concave crotch. Perhaps Ken doll crotches are seeing a resurgence following the success of the Barbie movie and Ryan Gosling’s excellent turn as Ken?
Paying this much attention to celebrity’s genitals probably isn’t healthy, ultimately — just ask the people embroiled in conspiracy theories about Taylor Swift being transgender because they’ve never actually seen a woman’s body before.
Beware the Bird Bandit: Man Robs People at Knifepoint While Carrying Several Exotic Birds
If you’re in the Fairfax, Virginia area, you might want to consider avoiding people carrying birds.
Published 1 year ago in Funny
If you’re in the Fairfax, Virginia area, you might want to consider avoiding people carrying birds. You should have been doing that already, but just in case you weren’t, this local thief shows why dudes carrying birds are not to be trusted.
Per a report from Fox 5, the “Bird Bandit” is a guy who walks around wearing a cowboy hat while holding several exotic birds. He also allegedly stuck up a dude with a knife in the parking lot of a McDonald’s. Interesting guy, wouldn’t you say?
According to police, the Bird Bandit walked into a few convenience stores wearing a patterned shirt and cowboy hat while carrying three parrots, providing us with some amazing security camera footage. Some time later, he whipped a knife out on some random guy near a McDonald’s demanding money.
That was in August. Since then, the search for the Bird Bandit had been ongoing (gosh, if only he had some identifying features). Now, it seems that police have finally nabbed the guy and, presumably, some of his many parrots.
Police say that the “Bird Bandit” is 25-year-old Hector Eduardo Rios from Germantown, Maryland (I know, I also thought he’d be from Florida). Anyway, he’s now been arrested for robbery and was recently transferred to the Fairfax County Adult Detention Center.
Police did not say if they allowed him to bring his parrots, but let’s just hope he got to take one or two — I hear you can swap them for quite a few cigarettes on the inside.
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