Underground Luxury Condo for Apocalypse.  $7,000,000 - One of the biggest fears for rich people is that their money won’t mean a thing once this house of cards that is the American economy crumbles.  So rather than investing their fortune back into the economy that made them millionaires, they’re investing in a Plan B.  For some, that means a seven million dollar luxury condo, 174 feet underneath the ground in Kansas. Which is good, because if you’ve ever been to Kansas, you know living there is already practicing for the future’s dystopian hellhole.  

Diamond Dog Collar - 3,200,000 - Give your best friend a gift he or she will love.  And by love, I mean will have no idea exists, because they’re a dog.  Your dog would literally enjoy your vomit more than this extravagance.  But you don’t care, do you?  Of course you don’t, because you’re rich.  Are people going to ask questions?  Are some people going to think you’re romantically involved with Scout?  Maybe, but who cares, Scout is the only thing that has ever returned your love.

Golden Staples - $175 - Listen, if you’re still stapling your papers with zinc-plated steel wires, then you probably think living Malibu is still cool too.  Wise up and stop living amongst the proletariat.  The best way for people to know you mean business, is to staple that guy’s eviction notice in a pure gold staple.  This way he knows he better get him and his family out soon, so you can get that new Tapas bar up and running before wedding season.

Guinea Pig Armor - $24,300 - Uhhh?  I don’t know.  But I’ve never wished I had $24,300 more in my life.