9 Ways To Beat The Halloween Walk of Shame


If you are going to wake up in someone else's bed or living room Sunday morning, in full costume, it is going to be tricky getting home without looking like a mess.  Especially if you misplaced your purse/wallet, phone, or marbles the night before.  November 1st is a particularly hazardous walk of shame because chances are you will not blend into the natural environment you will stick out in the broad day light like a person wearing a crazy broad daylight.  Here are ways to avoid the scrutiny, and getting home undetected.


1. Wear a Mask For Halloween


It's Halloween after all, and nothing hides your identity like a full on mask. You may not be able to avoid the walk but you can avoid being identified by friends and law enforcement


2. Steal a Sheet

I don't normally advocate theft, so let's say 'borrow'.  Sometimes desperate times call for desperate measures, and honestly, who’s going to miss a white sheet?


In fact if you feel really guilty you can A) return the sheet or B) take a paper shopping bag from under the sink in the kitchen instead, the choice is yours



3. Bring an Extra Morning Mask (for extra stealth)

Are people going to recognize you because they know your costume?  Bring a morning mask!  Ya, last night I was the Lone Ranger, this morning I'm the guy from scream, suck it haters, you have no idea who I am now.



4.  Have the Sex at the Party

Yeah, get it over with, pervert.  If you can't keep it in your pants and you want to avoid staying somewhere random, do it the night before.  Warning,  sex at a party may be more shameful that actual walk of shame, proceed at your own risk.



5.  Dress Like a Garbage Man for Halloween

You will not look out of place on the sidewalk at 8 am if you look like a garbage man or lady hard at work.  Better yet, hitch a ride home on an actual garbage trucks. Two birds with one stone here.  Other possible double use costumes are 'Gardener' and 'Gas Man'.



6. Become a Furry

I hear it's not that bad: full anonymity, lots of role play, and it's basically walk of shame proof.



7.  Wait Until it Stops Snowing

...and when in doubt cover your buttcheeks.




8.  Don’t Be a Gnome


Or wear a traffic cone on your head, it’s not a good look at 10am, or maybe anytime.


9.  Real Talk

If you cannot hide your identity the morning after and want to avoid the walk,  you have 2 real options.

  1. Wake up very early, call a cab.   Get up before everyone else, and make sure Lyft is as close to the front door as humanly possible.
  2. Hangout until it's night again, and act like you’re going out to another costume party, this way you'll actually blend in with everyone else.



Uploaded 10/29/2015
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