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Australian Man Uses Penis For Signature

Jared Hyams was just filling out a simple change of address application with the Australian Electoral Commission when, on a whim, he drew a penis in the signature box.

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"I thought it would be a laugh; they would approve it and next year I would sign something different," he said. You’re probably thinking, wait, I doesn’t everyone in Australia draw a penis for their signature? Apparently not. "But when I did this signature all of a sudden the shit hit the fan,” Jared (not from Subway) continued.  “I was receiving letters and phone calls telling me I couldn't have it. I thought, that's interesting, why not?"

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It’s something we’ve all done as kids. All of us. Right guys? Anyway, Jared, now a 33 year old man, found himself in a drawn-out battle with bureaucracy as he rigidly determined to use the penis signature to apply for a passport, drivers' licence and proof of age card. All the hoopla spurred Jared to begin studying for his law degree, which he will complete this year.

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The man sure puts the “D” in “J.D.” But Australia’s government agencies haven’t found it as amusing, and have begun John Hancock-blocking him at every turn. The AEC rejected his change of address and called his appeal "frivolous” and “vexatious," some real five-inch words.

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The Department of Trade and Foreign Affairs wouldn’t process his passport application and said his penis signature "could constitute sexual harassment."

 

The Department of Justice sent back his application for a Working with Children Check, though Jared relented that he "has some sensitivity to that position."

 

But on the whole, Jared firmly held his ground, saying, "What a signature is comes down to the function, not the actual form. Generally, it's a person putting a mark on a piece of paper by their own hand. As soon as you start defining what a signature is you run into problems - if it's meant to be someone's name how do we define that because most signatures are just illegible scribble."

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And he did have some success playing the long game, slipping his penis signature through on his driver’s license and proof of age card.

 

"It's been an interesting journey," Mr Hyams said. "But none of it is resolved. Everything is just left hanging."

 

Follow Mike Cella on Twitter @mikevcella


 

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