Ohayou, guys! Here's some general tips that will help you lose a lot of weight in just months, so you can make your friends jealous of your summer body. Works 100% and for everyone.*

1. You need to cut them carbs. Not fat. Carbs. You can actually eat a lot, maybe even more than you usually eat, as long as it's borderline carbless food. Carbs are your enemy. It's what your body turns into fat for storage.

little known fact: your body doesn't adapt fat, it produces it. So you could pretty much eat 10 pounds of lard and still not gain any weight, as long as you didn't eat any carbs that day. The fat does get burned down for calories, so any extra carbs are gonna get stored.

2. Don't go to the gym if you're fat. If you think that the best way to get in shape is a drastic change you're only half right. By going to the gym you'll most likely be overwhelmed by the experience as well as some people there might make you feel ridiculed and ashamed of how you look. The feeling of not fitting in has a huge impact on your mental state when it comes for motivating yourself for working out.

3. Since you're not going to the gym, you need to prepare yourself for the day you go there. First buy some dumbbells and do some curls every 2 days. It's up to you how many you do, but you should stop as soon as you get some cramps or muscle pain. It's not wise to strain your muscles, since tearing that shit puts you out of the game for a while, until it heals. Walk a lot, go outside.

4. DON'T RUN! That's the no. 1 mistake fat asses do when they try to lose weight. Some idiot told them that they'd lose weight from running, which is true, but running is for normal people, not hippos. If you're overweight, you're pretty much destroying your knees. Do some basic aerobics or simple yoga instead. You'll go out running once you've lost some weight.

5. Set a timer in your cell phone that reminds you of the days you're supposed to work out and don't bail.

6. After a month or two, if you feel like you can manage, add some planking and push ups to your routine. If there's some open outdoor gyms in your area, you might want to check if you can handle the monkey bars or pull yourself up. If you can, you might want to start doing that as well.

7. Don't drive if the store's close to you. If it's like a mile away, why not walk there?

8. Groceries are your friend. Don't stock up for a week, go out and buy them daily. You'll have your excuse to walk outside.

9. Eat often. Don't starve yourself. Eat the right thing. Since we went with keto (under 20 grams of carbs a day limit), you can eat lots of pork meat and other cool stuff. The more meals you eat a day, the better. Take small portion.

10. Google for some keto diet recipes. You'd be surprised how delicious diet food can be as long as you're eating the right stuff.

11. Say no to elevators. Use the stairs instead.

12. Accept that you're fat, and want to change it. Fat acceptance is an excuse made up by mentally ill people, which made many obese people to lose motivation for getting a grip. Obesity is a disability, and it's not normal. It's like a disease, and proper diet and exercise can heal it.

That's pretty much the basics. If you have additional questions, the comment section is all yours for discussion.

_{* except fat ass whales that are like 100 pounds overweight, I guess}