Operation Fat Hawk Down.

My name is Andrew Ryan and I like to impersonate John Lithgow. What exactly are my intentions or reasons in mimicking the role of an antiquated actor who has only starred in mediocre films? It's because I detest FAT PEOPLE.

After completing a rather vigorous microbiology exam, I decided to waltz into a nearby Friday's restaurant (for all those non-Americans, it's a restaurant that attracts fat people because every food item is riddled with lard and whale blubber) since the exam itself depleted me of my energy and I was sure in need of some good eatin'. Immediately upon my arrival, I noticed a wall ... an animated wall of morbidly obese people blockading the door. 

"Excuse me ... EXCUSE ME!" I hollered as the corpulent boors disregarded my pleas and went about on their fat people ways, such as being incompetent fat persons. Imploring these cows to move was obviously futile as these heifers were awaiting the petite black woman to vociferate their names so they can plop their fat asses down in their respective booths. I had to revert to more rudimentary means of using physical force to inch past the conglomerate mass as I squeezed through, attempting to shield myself from their odors of rotten cheese and Walmart. 

I successfully managed to slide myself past the conglomerate mass to only encounter even MORE fat people awaiting by the bar, where my food patiently sat in its baggie behind the counter. I summoned the bar wench over and demanded a cursory delivery of my food as I was poised to hand her the exact amount for the burger ... but of course, an overly irate fat black woman standing adjacent to me started spewing ebonics as she was pounding on the marble top of the bar. Each pound shook the vicinity as the plethora of bracelets that festooned her plump arms jiggled to and fro. I haven't really basked myself in the ebonics language but I deciphered the "WYERE MA FOOD NIGGA PAW PAW GET DAT DANG CHIT BACK IN HER RACYS OBAMA KFC TEE BEE ESS" into "Madam, I require your assistance in acquiring my respective food platter so I can return to my quarters in order to watch Obama eating KFC on TBS." 

Due to this, I was FORCED to await TEN MINUTES for my food and by the time I received it and completed the transition, the burger was cold and the fries were soggy. Fat people ruined my dinner ... yet again as I can clearly reminisce many moments where these fat slobs have inhibited me from acquiring many items. Fat people need to be exterminated - I don't care if you have a medical condition or if you're just too lackadaisical ... you need to be thrown into a pit of broccoli and forced to suffer. 

Uploaded 10/04/2011
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