Poo Poo Shampoo and the Magical Screw!

To those who are unfamiliar with the lay of the land around Canada's capital, Ottawa, let me give you a quick description. The Ottawa, Hull region is divided by the Ottawa river, for which there are three bridges that cross it. On the Hull side it is predominately French and on the Ottawa side a mixture of French and English. In my day of partying, the Hull side stayed opened till 2 AM and Ottawa shut down at midnight. So last call in Ottawa, led to all calls to taxis to get to the Hull side. 

Historically, most of the debauchery occurred on the Hull side with the Ottawa side pretending to be of upper crust. Regardless, my story begins with my date and I returning to Ottawa after a night of heavy drinking. Just as we crossed the bridge, my date said, she was feeling ill and wanted to be let out. I paid the Taxi and we were left to shanks mare for the rest of the way. 

My date informed me she was just horny and wanted to screw in the bushes before we crossed to the other side. Of course, I was pumped and willing to indulge. We found a nice nestle of bushes, I took off my jacket and laid it down in the darkness. We were having a great time as I rustled her thick locks through my fingers, grabbed her ass and drove it home. Only when we were both done did we smell it. Shit! Human shit. The back of my jacket was covered by it. My hands weaved it into her hair, down her back and onto her ass. 

Let me tell you about my jacket. It breaks my heart, because I had to throw it away that night. I used to go to a lot of concerts and I always wore my ZOFO jacket. It was covered in patches from Led Zeppelin, The Who, Yes, Rolling Stones, Super Tramp, Genesis, and others with many signatures. I threw it into some bushes hoping to recover it the next day. I went as early as I could, but it was gone. 

Anyhow, I took my date home that night and when we arrived, I needed to pee something fierce. My date didn't allow me to go up the stairs for fear of waking her parents and all the embarrassing questions that would come from it. So instead she retrieved a mug and had me pee in it. I filled it five times to her amazement before I went home.

We lived approximately 15 miles apart, out of money and no buses running I had quite the walk ahead of me. Along the way I found an old lady bike with the plastic flower basket, five cent thumb bell and a seat twelve inches long with the heavy black springs for, "Comfort"?  

Wanderlust is a right of passage, but a word to the wise, use a flash light! 

Uploaded 07/25/2012
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