The Day I Grew a Vagina
Normally I don't do faggy stuff with my girlfriend. I don't
watch chick flicks, I won't go to the mall with her to
"..just look around," and I have never taken her, or ANY chick to see
The Nutcracker. (title of THAT shit says it all)
Anyway, Girlfriend has a second job selling tickets at a local venue and
scored two free tickets to Duran Duran. She was going to
take our gay friend, Kevin, but he blew her off the day of
the concert. (gay...blew her off...see what I did there?)
Because it was last minute, she was also turned down by 2
friends, her sister, and her parents. Sheeesh...can't imagine
why no one would want to go see such legends.
I started feeling sorry for her as concert time rolled around
because (and I know this is really gay) I love that girl. I
finally capitulated and told her I would go if I could first
stop at the liquor store and get a "couple miniatures" of
tequila. In alcoholic ugdork-speak, "couple miniatures" is
code for a $10 bottle. In the liquor store I feel a slimy
tinglikg in my groin. I'm sure it must be the vagina I've
grown.
People-watching before the show: Drag queen, 40-something
women with 1980's feathered, sprayed hair, squatty
dikes...but also a lot of young people. Guys and gals in
their early 20's. Also a lot of hot chicks to look at. My
vagina starts to tingle again. Am I a lezbo?
The band starts and I'm wondering which one is Duran and
which one is Duran and who the other guys are. Their first
song was probably one of their new ones. (yes...they have NEW
songs. I'm going to buy their record...what? oh...download
their MP3) Not bad actually. Very Pink Floyd-esque with deep
sustained bass minor chords. They play a bunch of songs. Some
I know, most I dont. "Hungry Like a Wolf"...who can EVER get
enough of THAT song. Some aren't terrible.
The light show is good, the music only sucks slightly but
that might be the tequila, beer, and my pussy talking. I buy a
double shot of yucky house tequila in the arena bar because my BAC needs a
boost and they tell me it's...$15. FUCK. I paid $10 for the
bottle in the car! I'd have said something but my balls have been replaced.
Well, I pussied out. I went to a show for no other reason
than the fact that I love my girlfriend and it seemed like a sweet
thing to do. Next time I'm going to man up and tell her to go
to her gay shit with a friend or alone. If she gets mad I
donn't care! Withhold sex from me, bitch, I got my OWN
vagina now!!
10 Comments