The origin of Snorkpants

The true story of the origin of Snorkpants told from her sword brother, Godliberator.

Gather round and hear told the tale spun by the ancients about a place of legend, and the war that nearly caused it to be lost forever.

I was but a young man when we set out on our journey. We sailed off into the great green and we did not look back. Our voyage would take us far beyond what any ship captain had sailed before. To the edge of the earth we vowed.

 We sailed through frozen seas and weathered ferocious storms. We saw things unimaginable to the mind. We sailed the sea for well over a nautical year.We one day sailed into a dense fog. The fog seemed to go on for what felt like ages. When we emerged we were greeted with a sight that to this day will remain ingrained in my head. We had discovered the lost Atlantic Empire. A gigantic dome covered the great utopia. Gigantic vents were letting out huge billows of gas and steam thus attributing to the dense fog. We sailed closer and were intercepted by a strange vessel. Our ship was boarded and we were greeted by an ambassador and an armed guard. We were told that we had in fact stumbled upon the nation of Atlantis and we would be taken into custody. We were taken onto the vessel and watched as our ship was blown to pieces. We were taken through a series of airlocks. The thickness of the dome was massive. At least half a mile in thickness, the dome was built on a massive scale. This place truly was an amazing to see. The area inside was enormous.They brought us before a council and we were asked several questions. We were explained that this civilization became entrusted with power that must be kept a secret. The entire city surfaces once every three years to replenish its oxygen supplies. The city is powered from a fusion reactor. This place is a perfect utopia. They grow and catch all their own food. The air is constantly filtered. This place would be all we ever need. We were eventually given a choice; stay here, or be killed and set adrift.

 Our choice was easy. We stayed.We lived with the people; we worked hard with the people. We played their games. We lived and we loved, and over time, we were a contributing part of the commune. Everything was shared, there was no jealousy, there was no crime that went without swift punishment; everything was in essence perfect. Everyone had a role to play and they played the role without question. There was a system of government for this utopian republic and it worked perfectly. We had lived there for nearly a decade when they arrived.

 They rode in on giant seahorses. The nature of these creatures was unsettling. They wore suits that allowed them to breathe in the atmosphere held inside our city. These ambassadors, although English was not their native language they spoke it well. They explained that they wanted our city; they wanted control of the entire sea. We need only give regular tribute and we would be allowed to live in peace under the snork domain, and if we refused to pay regular tribute our city would be destroyed. Our counsel chair thought on this for a moment, and then spoke, We are a simple society, and we built this, our home, centuries ago and have remained a peaceful nation. You come with threats of conquest and death of we do not pay tribute. We have survived much worse than you and we will not pay. With that said the guard drew their weapons and leveled them at the ambassadors. The ambassadors taken back at this said, Do you know the power the snork nation possesses? To go against it would be madness. The chair looked at him and said, Madness.. THIS IS ATLANTIS! And with a swift movement he pulled his weapon and let loose a blast of plasma into the head ambassador. A wash of blue white plasma was let loose into the snork ambassadors. Their bodies were jettisoned into the sea back the way they came. The giant sea horses were let loose to roam where they please. And Atlantis began to prepare for war.

We spent the next few months training for an inevitable war. The dome shield was raised. Exterior cannons were built. Suits were distributed for under water breathing. The weapons were distributed through the ranks. Tanks and other vehicles were built. We were prepared.

The armies of the snork descended on us. They sent yet another ambassador to speak to us. He asked us to lay down our weapons and bow to the snork king and we would be spared. We refused his offer and cut him down with our cannons. The snork king seeing this sent his armies to attack. Snorkpants was at my side leading us into battle. The battle was awash in plasma fire, and spears. We charged into the snork line and Snorkpants and I drew swords against them. We cut through the line like butter. It was soon all too clear snorkpants was intoxicated by the blood on her new enemies. She rang out in a resounding battle cry that rallied her men behind her. She was untouchable. She also had a nasty habit of collecting a patch of skin from her fallen enemies which she would sew together. After two days end she had made a pair of pants from the skin of her enemy, thus earning her nickname.

The months dragged on with little pause in the battle. Bodies floated lifelessly on the sea floor. The snorks sent wave after wave into our lines. Strange beasts from afar were sent against us, Shark riders, and all manner of warrior fought against us. But we prevailed, and the snork king felt a chill as he felt the tide of battle turn toward our favor. Snork pants fought valiantly through the ranks of the enemy. Fighting with borrowed strength, she reached the kings guard. We fought alongside her in battle fighting with teeth and nail against the snork kings elite guard. We lost many but snork pants broke through and we finished them off. The army fought to regain their king but it was already too late. With one swift move snorkpants made it to the snork king and thrust a spear through his heart. She grabbed him by his snorkel and with her sword she cleaved his head clean and held it high for all to see. Glorious!

The enemy was demoralized and many began to retreat. They had lost, and they knew it. Many were cut down as they ran. The undersea wars had come to a close with the courage and ferocity of snorkpants. She claimed the head of the snork king. A victory was celebrated that evening but snorkpants was nowhere to be found. She had left without saying good bye.

 We all wondered why she left and we could only think it was because she felt she couldnt return to the utopia after what she had become and after all the bloodshed. She walked off the field and she jumped into a watercraft and sailed back toward the surface and made the long trek home.

I missed her. I stayed to help with the repairs of the city, but I missed her. The next year when the city surfaced I took one of the vessels and left in search of her. I returned home to find everything I left behind was also gone. The place I had lived had been demolished long ago. Years passed and I finally found her. She had settled down, got married, and had a few kids. She had changed for the better. Yes she lets her mother in law walk all over her, but only because she does not want to return to bloodshed. I once mistook this for weakness, but nay, she is still as strong as ever and will still fight for what she wants. The only difference being she uses words instead of the tip of the sword. She still has the head of the snork king. Yet another reminder of her past, it is something that keeps her in line.

She will always be held close in my heart as she once fought beside me, but she is far better off where she is now. I also settled down and got married. No children as of yet though. Perhaps someday I will and I will regale them of the stories of my travels and fighting in the undersea wars, and the one warrior who I was close to. Snorkpants. Remember the name, for it will live on in each and every one of your hearts until the end of time.

tl;dr: nothing you should have read the entire thing.

most of you will not know where this started from, snorkpants does and some of the more regular users might know about it.  If you dont, I really dont care go whine about it to someone else.

Uploaded 05/14/2009
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