The truth about Andrew Ryan.

Enough is enough - I'm done displaying this facade of coyness and essentially neglecting my inner most deep dark feelings that have plagued me ever since joining the blog section.

My obsession over Neko is nothing more than a ploy for attention ... but alas, I'm not attempting to bask myself in the wholesome lot of eBaum participants, nay. I wish to be under one person's spotlight, whom I have been willing to release both my physical and sexual feelings towards ... and that person is the beloved GYPS.

As you all may know, I have been keeping a very close eye on Gyps, from creating multiple accounts to sending her various implications and insinuations of my affection towards her. You see, folks, Gyps is a delicate flower - some say Gyps is a river that drowns the tender reed while others say that Gyps is a razor that leaves the soul to bleed. Personally, I find Gyps to be the flower and with the sun's love in the spring becomes the delicate and most precious rose that you just want to sniff and be apart of for the rest of your life. 

It all started on the eve of June 14th, 2011 - I was just a young lad searching for a female figure to share my sexual urges with. I skimmed through a plethora of women, starting from a lass named FigNewton (who mocked me ever so much) and worked my way through beasts like Tyaeda and MissTawpa (who threatened to call the cops on me but I digress). All of these eBaum women were too alike as if they have been constantly tortured into maintaining uniformity. 

I was on the verge of truncating my search until I bumped into my delicate flower, Gyps, who was most likely drunk off her mind and as high as Bob Marley after one of his concerts. She held a baby in one hand and a bong in the other ... the overall unkemptness and disregard towards moral behavior transformed the flaccid and unresponsive state of my penis into a rock hard horn that pointed upwards and pulsated as if I just fornicated with my beloved. She appeared to not have bathed for a couple of days as the air conditioner in the background was dangling by a thread over her apartment window. The minute she spoke was as if Mozart himself played one of his requiems into the very canals of my left and right ears - each musical note representing each word that spoke out of her very mouth. Her pretend Scottish accent was essentially an eternal bliss ... almost as if her very voice could cure cancer and polio. 

Gyps, I may be younger than you and, frankly, I normally do not have a thing for older women but ... I was almost reluctant to just spew my feelings towards you and your magical ways. I know that you drink excessively to cope with your life of being a graphic artist in Seattle, Washington but please accept this blog as both an apology and a glimmering speck of hopefulness and care from your secret admirer, Andrew Ryan. I will lure you into marriage and we can hopefully have five beautiful children ... I will cheat on you and fuck other women behind your back but you wouldn't mind, my dear. 

Stay safe. ~Andrew


Uploaded 09/02/2011
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