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This Senate Candidate Drank Goat Blood in Pagan Ritual

Meet Florida Senate-hopeful Augustus Sol Invictus, who recently celebrated a week of fasting and wandering through Mojave Desert by drinking and bathing himself in goat’s blood from a ritual sacrifice. Conventional wisdom would dictate that showering yourself in goat’s blood while running for public office could be a mistake, but since Sol Invictus is running in the state of Florida, pretty much all bets are off.

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As a candidate Sol Invictus has already gotten out ahead of the scandal by owning it: he told the Orlando Sentinel “I did sacrifice a goat. I know that’s probably a quibble in the mind of most Americans.” I guess it’s not a scandal if you own it.

For those curious about what the rest of Sol Invictus’ political platform entails (aside from the fact that he is pro-animal sacrifice and pig blood drinking), here is a list of his most interesting political stances:

  • Another American Civil War: “I have prophesied for years that I was born for a Great War; that if I did not witness the coming of the Second American Civil War, I would begin it myself."
  • He is a self-described Fascist.
  • He’d rather you drop acid and get weird than vote for him, and based on his platform, this seems like his most sound bit of political strategy. From a recent LinkedIn post, “I do not want you to vote, so much as I want you to wake up. I want you to drop out and tune in. I want you to take LSD and practice sorcery."

 

The most shocking and terrifying detail about Augustus Sol Invictus though, is that he actively blogs on LinkedIn.

BenKolina
BenKolina
Uploaded 10/05/2015
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