John was an everyday type man, except that he had a wooden eye. This unsightly afflction had troubled him so much over the years that he was finding it hard to meet women. Alas, eventually he found slavation in the form of an online dating agency dedicated to finding love for the physically unfortunate, the ugly.

After some deliberation he decided to set up a date with a young woman who's only deformity was that her mouth was positioned vertically at the bottom of her face, rather than horizontally like everyone else. Strange, he admitted, but what did he have to lose?

The night comes, and everything is going swimmingly. They meet in the designated bar, and after a few drinks the two of them are getting along great-guns. John decides it would be a shame for the night to end early:

"How do you fancy popping out for a bite to eat when we leave here?" he asked.

Flattered by the invitation, the young women exclaimed, "Oh would I ?!?!?"



"Don't call me WOOD EYE, CUNTFACE!!" came John's angry reply.