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1. Girl at Best Buy hit one me while I was there with my pregnant girlfriend.
First time it has ever happened to me, and my girlfriend had to be right there.
2. First date:
Her: What's your blood type?
Me: O positive. Why?
Her: Good, we can have kids.
3. Asked me to gift her the wisdom teeth I recently had removed. Creeped me right the hell out of that very very brief relationship.
4. Sucked my blood from an opened scab without informing me she was about to do so. She considered herself a "vampire."
5. A girl I had been dating for just a couple weeks invited me to her mom's house for dinner. Halfway through dinner I finally noticed that they had printed out pictures of me from myspace (this was back when myspace was normal), put them in frames, and randomly interspersed them with other family pictures throughout the house. They were laughing hysterically at my reaction. I told them - very plainly and very seriously - that IF it was a joke, it was hilarious. But if it wasn't...
They never actually answered whether it was a joke or not. We didn't date much longer than that.
6. a girl licked my knee at a club
7. Girl I dated made a voodoo doll out of her used tampon and my hair shavings (from my electric razor) that she said she'd use on me if we ever broke up. She buried it inside a lunchbox at the beach and drew a map to find it. She's now a married mother of two.
8. I was at the pub with some friends and one of them left a scarf at a now packed table. She was feeling socially awkward and asked me to get it. I thought no big deal, I'll get it and show her there's nothing to be worried about. I asked a woman in her early twenties (I was 18) if she could pass me the scarf. She got up, walked over to me, wrapped it around my neck and proceeded to try choke me with it, really going for it. Her hands were shaking from the force she was putting into pulling the two ends of the scarf. The pub was packed but everyone just stood there not exactly sure of what was happening (myself included). After what felt like ages two guys pulled her back to her table. They were looking at me worried, shaking their heads with faces that said "we have no idea". Everyone around the table clearly knew her and was deeply shocked by her behavior.
9. Back in 1992, I was dating this girl from Chile. She really, really, really liked ABBA.
Before we would have sex, she would make me sing the song "Take a Chance on Me" while dancing naked. If I refused to do it, there would be no sexy time. Being 18 years old and and really only able to think about one thing, I would sing the song and dance the dance.
I hate disco.
10. My wife and I just went to see IT shortly after her birthday. I was cooking in the kitchen and she pushed a red balloon into the kitchen. I turned around and it was rolling towards me on the floor
11. This was in kindergarten or 1st grade. We were sitting in the library being read to by our teacher, and a girl stuck her tongue in my ear. I asked her to stop and she wouldn't. She didn't stop despite my protestations and squirming until we both got in trouble by our teacher.
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