13 Ways to Obliterate the Goddamn Sun Before it Obliterates You First

RiverboatRon Published 07/19/2018 in ftw

Tell that bastard sun to f*ck off with this nifty gadgets.

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1. That blasted sun is ruining everything. Don't let it ruin your coffee. You can ice that shit with a handy cold brew maker here.
2. NO, SUN! Don't overheat the pups, you asshole! You can buy a pup-cooling blanket here.
3. When the sun is being this big of a dick. you're going to need more than a fan. This high-powered air circulator was invented by a former aviation engineer and it's available here.
4. Not the beer too?! The sun's heat will make a mockery of your ice-cold beer. Keep your booze from sweating so much with a set of beer chilling sticks available here.
5. Not only can that idiot sun make your beer hot, its light waves can ruin the taste. Tell that sun to go home, you're drunk with a classy Freaker koozie available here.
6. Getting a LITTLE drunk is not going to make you forget how hot and bright and horrible the sun is. It's time to get WAY drunk. Let's pour some ice cold wine down your gullet with a handy chiller available here.
7. Now that you're wasted, it's time to forget this too-hot day ever happened. Chill your whiskey with this nice set here.
8. To truly defeat the sun, you must have a powerful cooler. There's a cooler that's almost big enough for you to crawl into available here.
9. Is the shade not doing it for you? That mean sun a little too mean for you to enjoy the backyard that you worked hard for? Get one of these clever mist systems available here.
10. Sun obliterating technology has gone a long way. Cool off from those pesky UV rays with a fan that plugs into your phone. This nifty contraption is available here.
11. Grass needs the sun, but hates too much of it. It's a real love/hate deal. Sprinkle your sensitive blades with a dope sprinkler available here.
12. If you really dislike the sun, you might enjoy hate-watching this movie about people trying to revive it. Danny Boyle's Sunshine is available here.
13. You're probably tired after that long day of cursing the sun. Keep your sheets cool as you drift off into a dark and sunless slumber. Use a bed fan available here.

1. That blasted sun is ruining everything. Don't let it ruin your coffee. You can ice that shit with a handy cold brew maker here.
2. NO, SUN! Don't overheat the pups, you asshole! You can buy a pup-cooling blanket here.
3. When the sun is being this big of a dick. you're going to need more than a fan. This high-powered air circulator was invented by a former aviation engineer and it's available here.
4. Not the beer too?! The sun's heat will make a mockery of your ice-cold beer. Keep your booze from sweating so much with a set of beer chilling sticks available here.
5. Not only can that idiot sun make your beer hot, its light waves can ruin the taste. Tell that sun to go home, you're drunk with a classy Freaker koozie available here.
6. Getting a LITTLE drunk is not going to make you forget how hot and bright and horrible the sun is. It's time to get WAY drunk. Let's pour some ice cold wine down your gullet with a handy chiller available here.
7. Now that you're wasted, it's time to forget this too-hot day ever happened. Chill your whiskey with this nice set here.
8. To truly defeat the sun, you must have a powerful cooler. There's a cooler that's almost big enough for you to crawl into available here.
9. Is the shade not doing it for you? That mean sun a little too mean for you to enjoy the backyard that you worked hard for? Get one of these clever mist systems available here.
10. Sun obliterating technology has gone a long way. Cool off from those pesky UV rays with a fan that plugs into your phone. This nifty contraption is available here.
11. Grass needs the sun, but hates too much of it. It's a real love/hate deal. Sprinkle your sensitive blades with a dope sprinkler available here.
12. If you really dislike the sun, you might enjoy hate-watching this movie about people trying to revive it. Danny Boyle's Sunshine is available here.
13. You're probably tired after that long day of cursing the sun. Keep your sheets cool as you drift off into a dark and sunless slumber. Use a bed fan available here.