Cry Translator: It might have a 1-star rating, but it has a $4.99 price tag. It claims to be able to know why your baby is crying and what it needs. I’m sure it’s spot-on.

Pimple Popper: If you’re not satisfied with the pimples of your own, there are 8 greasy acne faces for you to go to town on. Gross.

Places I’ve Pooped: It’s exactly what it sounds like.

Yo: This app does one thing and one thing only… says “Yo” to whomever you choose.

Fake-an-Excuse: When you really want to get off the phone but the other person still has half their life story to tell you, Fake-an-Excuse will play a noise such as a fire alarm or doorbell so that you have a reason to call them back. Or not.

Spirit Story Box: No need to call Ghostbusters, you can investigate all on your own for $1! The app tells you words associated with paranormal energy it picks up wherever you are. One guy went to a café and got the words shin, engineer, using chisel, crow bar and harm neck.

The Pointless Game: All you do is hold your finger on the screen of your phone. To be fair, they warned you. You get one point for each second. I guess it’s kind of the opposite of pointless?

Punch-a-Hipster: You get points for beating up cartoon hipsters in the game. You can also upload pictures of hipsters you know to virtually sock them in the face.

iFrenchKiss: This app claims it can rate your kissing skills by having you…make out with your screen. Please don’t do this.

Zips Lite: CNN Money named this the #1 dumbest app, because all it does it let you zip and unzip pants. Fake pants.

Carrr Matey: This helps you remember where you parked, which is great. It’s even greater that it’s pirate-themed. You don’t park your car, you “dock yer ship an’ drop yer anchor.”

iAmAMan: ‘Cool’ guys can track the menstrual cycles of multiple girlfriends. They have a different password for each woman in case one of them catches them using it so it looks like they’re the only one being tracked.

Watching Cute Girl: When those ‘cool’ guys inevitably get dumped, they can download this, which contains only a young woman who stares at your and says nice things like… ‘would you like a hug?’

Annoy-a-Teen: If you just can’t handle the attitude your 15-year-old is throwing your way, you can use this app to blast out high frequency sounds that apparently, if you’re old enough, you won’t be able to hear. I’m not sure if I’m willing to try this one.

iVoodoo: If the cute girl just doesn’t take away the pain, they can download the virtual voodoo doll, and yes… you can customize the face.