15 Cyberpunk Glitches That Are Worth the Headache
After years of hype, Cyberpunk 2077 has become synonymous with glitches and bugs. There may or may not be a really good game there, but it takes...
Published 4 years ago in Funny
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Parkour Gone Wrong Part of the game’s appeal is the visceral thrill of the action. For example, running away from the cops on foot can be a genuinely harrowing experience...when it’s not being genuinely hilarious.
When one player was on the run, he attempted to pull himself up onto a roof. The game promptly threw him up and backward, making the entire thing look like a parkour stunt gone wrong.
From police chase to parkour? Count us in!2
The Tank That Fell From the Sky
How does this glitchy game top cars falling from the sky? Simple: by giving us falling tanks instead!
Shortly after the game came out, a player experienced a tank simply crashing to the ground. It nearly killed the player and the NPCs, but that’s a small price to pay for an unforgettable gaming memory!3
Shades On Shades
Leave it to Cyberpunk 2077 to have a glitch “enhance” the ending of the game. Near the end, you get a scene of your character rocking Johnny Silverhand’s signature sunglasses. And then the character goes to take the shades off.
What’s underneath? More shades, of course! This kind of glitch will leave you giggling for hours. And let’s be honest: it’s much more entertaining than the ending of the game.4
Wheelchair-Bound Man Miraculously Healed
You might think it’s weird for us to be praising glitches. But you’d change your tune if you ever saw a glitch work a miracle!
One player discovered a strange glitch when they punched a wheelchair-bound NPC. The character promptly got up and ran away! It’s pretty fun to imagine healing characters with the power of your hands.
Then again, if you like that sort of thing, you should probably go ahead and pre-order that insane-looking “I Am Jesus Christ” game and call it a day.5
Irony or Glitch?
On a good day, a glitch doesn’t always look like a glitch. Sometimes, for example, you can’t tell the difference between a terrible glitch and amazing irony.
As an example, one player uploaded a video showing another car wrecking directly into them. It is a brutal and ugly traffic accident, but then V delivers a perfectly deadpan line: “Something’s off here.”
Sure, that’s one way to describe attempted vehicular manslaughter!6
My Name’s Blurry Face
There are probably entire dissertations being written about the visual glitches of the game. But one of the weirdest (and funniest) glitches gives everyone some blurry, fuzzy faces with almost no detail.
As one user noted, this glitch takes the cutting-edge graphics of the game and makes everyone look like escapees from Superhot. It’s very kind of Cyberpunk 2077 to make us think about better games during this trying time!7
All the Trees
The best glitches are the unexpected ones. Like, you might be expecting the occasional bad render. But did you expect miniature forests wherever you went?
Many early players soon discovered the game was spawning tiny little trees wherever they went. The trees didn’t exactly match the decor, but it was pretty wonderful trying to take the overwrought dialogue seriously while everybody is knee-deep in unexpected shrubbery.8
Pillow Head
Most of the glitches are funny and harmless. Sometimes, though, you get a glitch that gives the game some unexpected body horror.
At one point, a player when to his character’s home and found that one of his pillows looked like a woman’s severed head. It’s pretty creepy to see her eyes staring back at you. Then again, that creepiness really helps improve the cyberpunk ambiance of the whole game!9
A Bad Time to Lose One’s Head
Remember the old Austin Powers gags about it being a bad time to lose one’s head? Well, in Cyberpunk 2077, it’s never a bad time!
Some players reported glitches where their character spawned without a head. They could otherwise still play the game, but the head was completely invisible. It’s a strange sight, and just one more reason (as if you needed one) to not take this game too seriously.10
Exploding Cars
Hollywood figured the formula out a long time ago: explosions make everything better. And exploding cars are even cooler. So, why not have some more car explosions in your video games?If that’s what you want, Cyberpunk 2077 has got you covered. Game glitches will cause things to happen such as two cars spawning in the same place, resulting in a crazy explosion. Sure, it disrupts your game and may even get your character killed, but you can’t say it’s not amusing.11
Hanging Dong
Before the game even came out, much attention was paid to the character customization. Forget things like hairstyle: the most important thing was that this game allowed players to customize the penis of their characters.
That was already pretty funny. But then a glitched caused character’s penises to simply flop right out of their pants. Forget T-Posing: hanging dong is clearly the best way to establish dominance.
Although it might give other characters some unexpected temptations. They don’t call him Johnny “Silverhand” for nothing!12
Hanging Dong
Before the game even came out, much attention was paid to the character customization. Forget things like hairstyle: the most important thing was that this game allowed players to customize the penis of their characters.
That was already pretty funny. But then a glitched caused character’s penises to simply flop right out of their pants. Forget T-Posing: hanging dong is clearly the best way to establish dominance.
Although it might give other characters some unexpected temptations. They don’t call him Johnny “Silverhand” for nothing!13
You’ll Believe a Car Can Fly
On paper, a game like Cyberpunk 2077 needs to be grounded in realistic physics. In reality, the physics in this game combines with other glitches to create some truly unforgettable moments.
For example, cars can seemingly “fly” in a number of ways. Sometimes they fall from the sky when you summon them. Other times, they seemingly “fly” due to improper rendering. And sometimes, wonky physics simply send them over the moon.
Enjoy your gritty cyberpunk future. And mind the shadows: that might be a flying car about to land on you!14
Citizens Crashing Into Walls
While some of the glitches affect your own character, most seem to affect NPCs. And you get some next-level hilarity when those NPCs take it out on you!
For example, one player discovered that NPCs couldn’t stop crashing their cars into a barricade. Even better, they’d immediately get out and start cussing out the player. Maybe they just got distracted by a tree or something popping out of the steering wheel?15
Using Fist and a Gun
Most of the glitches we focus on enhance the game in the sense that they make it funnier, sillier, and generally more memorable. Some glitches, though, actually enhance the gameplay.
For example, a player discovered a glitch that allowed him to use his fist and his gun at the same time. It made combat a bit easier and also helped evolve that cyberpunk mixture of martial arts and gunplay that made the Matrix movies so memorable.16
The T-Posing
Leave it to this glitchy game to bring back yesterday’s meme hits. Remember “T-Posing?” Starting in 2018, a meme insisted that standing in this pose was a great way to establish dominance over someone.
That was mildly funny, but the T-Pose is also a default in computer animation. Glitches in Cyberpunk 2077 will cause random citizens to strike a pose at the strangest times. And imagining they are all trying to flex and stunt on your character makes the whole experience hilarious.
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