Growing up, we didn’t need haunted houses, we had our actual houses. Every room was a low-key obstacle course of fumes, shocks, burns, and mystery chemicals with names no one could pronounce. We weren’t just living, we were marinating in weird plastics, breathing “fresheners” that punched our lungs, and trusting appliances that ran hotter than the sun. And we thought we were thriving.
Turns out, the real thrill wasn’t the toys: it was the slow, sneaky chaos built right into the walls. Welcome to the greatest escape room ever: your childhood home.
1
Kenner’s Creepy Crawlers Thingmaker
Hot metal molds + goopy chemicals + children = the 1960s version of a chemistry that felt like touching the sun.
2
Moon Shoes
DIY ankle destruction. These trampoline-like shoes turned every backyard into an ER waiting room.
3
Easy-Bake Oven (original)
Heated by a literal 100-watt light bulb, this mini oven could melt plastic, burn fingers, and ruin friendships.
4
Chemistry Sets (with uranium!)
Some kits in the ’50s and early ’60s included actual radioactive material. So educational!
5
Tab (Diet Soda)
Fueled by saccharin and sketchy science. Tasted like chemicals. Possibly caused cancer. We drank it anyway.
6
Radium Clocks & Watches
Glow-in-the-dark hands, painted with radioactive radium. Still ticking… still radioactive.
7
Formaldehyde in Furniture & Insulation
Your stylish wood paneling? Might’ve off-gassed enough formaldehyde to embalm a small animal.
8
Electric Blankets (Early Models)
Great for warmth. Also great at randomly catching fire or zapping you in your sleep.
9
Mothballs
Tiny chemical grenades filled with naphthalene or paradichlorobenzene: both toxic and flammable. But hey, no moths!
10
Thalidomide
Marketed in the late ’50s/early ’60s to treat morning sickness: caused birth defects in thousands of babies.
11
Hair Dyes (Early Formulas)
Loaded with coal tar derivatives and sketchy chemicals. Gorgeous color, questionable lifespan.
12
Asbestos Pot holders, Gloves & Ironing Board Covers
Heatproof! Fireproof! Lung cancer–adjacent! Asbestos was everywhere, including your oven mitts.
13
Old Hair Dryers with Exposed Heating Coils
Because nothing says ‘beauty routine’ like holding a hand-held toaster inches from your scalp. One wrong move and it was flamethrower meets perm.
14
Mercurochrome & Merthiolate (Antiseptics)
The bright red stuff your parents slathered on your cuts? Full of mercury (and it stung like betrayal).
