My aunt came to visit for what was supposed to be a week or two and didn’t leave for almost a year when I was a kid. She redecorated my room and even put up pictures of herself. Now the running joke in my family is to randomly leave pictures of yourself around the house when we visit people.

One of my best buddies from high school called me up and begged for me to come get him from a town about three hours away. The idea was he would stay with us for a couple weeks while he looked for work and then get his own place. Six months later I ended up renting him a room for one month and dropping him off with his junk and wishing him well. His father had warned me he would “drain me dry” and he wasn’t kidding. All those months he was supposedly using my vehicle to look for work he was instead going out to a local bar. Every bottle in our liquor cabinet was drained down to the last finger.

My dad’s friend pissed in the corner of the guest room, and asked for money from everyone who happened to walk by him.

She stole all of my booze, pissed on my couch, tore up the flower bed to the side of my driveway, and destroyed my guest bathroom. This all happened after I’d fallen asleep, she was a guest of a tenant/room mate and that room mate was told either her friend wasn’t allowed over ever again or she’d have to find a new place to live.

My mom’s cousin and her husband went for a short visit to our house. She was five months pregnant then. She and her husband didn’t leave until the baby was two months old.

Instead of asking where the toilet paper is, they let their kid wipe his ass with our guest towels.

Wife’s cousin stayed a couple days with us. After he left, I discovered he purchased about $60 worth of porn on directv.

My old roommate told me she had a friend who had fallen on rough times and needed a spot to crash for a while. No worries, I told her. Oooh, big worries. He was a professional beatboxer, but more that that he was a professional smoker. Like, I’m fine with weed generally, but this dude was on 12-15 blunts a day, and would roll one as soon as he rolled his tighty whitey clad ass off of our couch. So for like 4 months, as soon as I woke up, it was nothing but clouds of white owl and “BRRRRMMMCHKCHK-FRKAFRKACHCKABRRRRMMM.” He didn’t fall on rough times. He WAS a rough time.

That would be the girl visiting my sister-in-law who decided it would be funny to repeatedly prank call 911. I got a very angry call from the local police station saying we either stopped or they’d be sending a squad car over. Apologised profusely to the officer and thanked him for calling us first. She was not invited back to her house, she was 17 and definitely old enough to know better.

Sister-in-law house sat when we were out of town. There were tons of disrespectful presents left for us – a cookie crumb trail of condom wrappers, which lead to an actual used condom – like WTF? But the worst was after cleaning all that up, which was just aggravating and stupid… there was a putrid smell I couldn’t put my finger on. Until I finally opened a draw in the dresser in the guest room – she had left a takeout container in there, half an omelette that had gone rancid. I gotta hope she just had to go quick and forgot all that crap was there when she left. Either way we took our key back from her.

housemate had people come over, order a pizza, decide they didn’t want it and refuse to answer the door so they didn’t have to pay – at 4am. Pizza guy could hear them through the door so kept knocking louder and louder. I eventually went to the door and opened it, then explained to the pizza guy what was going on (so that they didn’t blacklist the property) and forced them to pay. As they were packing to leave the next day I noticed them trying to take some of my extra PS4 controllers by sneaking them into their bag. I’m normally an introvert but already being cranky from no sleep I lost my shit at that point. called them a disgusting thief and told them to gtfo.

I had surgery and was on bedrest for a week. I asked my cousin, who was living with me at the time, to keep an eye on me, as I was on heavy painkillers. I stayed on the couch and let her use my bedroom. When I recovered, I found used hair weave piled up on clean towels in the bathroom cabinet, a douche nozzle behind my nightstand, trash piled all the way up the wall in the kitchen, dirty dishes everywhere, a plate of rancid food in the microwave, ketchup and mustard smeared on the floors, and she had stolen a bunch of clothing and CDs, along with one of my iPhone chargers (she had a Windows phone) and she poked a hole in my $2500 sleep number bed. I kicked her ass out immediately.

My MIL “joked” about taking my newborn with her to her state & called me an inferior parent. 8 days post-birth. I told her I’d break her arm if she tried to leave the house with my baby. She cried because I “didn’t find her joke funny”

I was on my honeymoon with my husband and we let his dad stay at our house, but said he had to be out by the time we got back. We let him know when we were on our way home and expected him to be gone. We get back, he was gone but had not gotten his stuff out of the house. On top of that, he trashed the place like a group of teenagers, empty pizza boxes and trash laying around. He came back and stayed around for a bit and asked me if I was mad at him. Like of course I’m mad!! What do you expect?

Ran into a guy I used to call a friend and let him stay with me for awhile as he was down on his luck. I guess we’d ran out of toilet paper so he used a wash cloth and left it at the side of the toilet. Kicked him out and found out later he walked away with some of my CD’s. Some mutual friends let him stay. Against my advice. They came home one day to find him passed out on the couch with his pants around his ankles. After they kicked him out they found out he’d racked up $900 in phone sex charges. Fuck you Nole. You always were and always will be a piece of shit.

He cranked my dad’s speakers up to the max and blew them (they were from the 70’s so impossible to replace or repair). Then he clogged our toilet, grabbed a bunch of grandma’s quilts to sop up the water. He then tried to stop the water by violently shacking the tank, cracking the bowl and dislodging it from its base. In a panic he tried to bolt from the house, his wet feet slipped on the wood floor and he crashed into a wall leaving a nice body sized impression. Thats how my brothers friends was barred from the house.

They peed in my fridge

My former friend begged me to help her find a place where her special needs kiddos could stay in the same school/services where her husband wouldn’t look for her after supposedly finding questionable material on his pc. I work with special needs populations including abuse victims so it made sense to come to me I gave her an older laptop I had for her use so she could turn in the house pcs. I bought her a new phone. I took them in myself which meant giving up my actual room for several weeks and sleeping on a futon. I also spent a lot of time babysitting so she could go talk to lawyers/providers. Imagine my surprise when I went to pick up the kids from school one day when she supposedly had court to extend the restraining order and bumped into dad and grandma. Eventually it came out that there was no restraining order, no court filings, no suspect files found. Mom had a new boyfriend and had told her husband she was divorcing him and her family wouldn’t take her in.