My ex-girlfriend moved out of my house a day before the first lockdown in Spain. She previously pulled a knife on me.

2005, my friend and I evacuated New Orleans 2 days before Hurricane Katrina and drove to Mississippi with the little money we had. We were trying to decided on where to stay for the night and it was between a mid range hotel or the really cheap motel. Decided to spend a little more for the hotel. During the night the eye of the storm came through Mississippi and flattened the roof of the motel we decided against.

I was subletting an apartment in college and got zapped by the electric stove. Gave notice immediately and moved out with very clear reasons why I was moving out. The building burnt a few weeks later.

Not me, a Dutch mate of mine living in Tasmania, had to visit his sick mum in Amsterdam. Booking his flight online, he said to his wife “you know, I’m sick of flying Malaysian Airlines, the food is shit, the hosties are miserable…it’ll cost more, but I’m booking with Singapore”. So, instead of dying on MH17, he was on a plane 40km ahead of it

sold my bar and grill business in August 2019

Years ago I was on a first meet for an internet date. We met at a bar and the bartender carded us. Even though we were both older they were doing stings in the area so he was carding every single person. Handed mine right over but my date was an ass about it. The bartender checked mine and handed it back to me. He checked his and rather than handing it back to him he placed it on the bar right in front of me. It had the sexual offender stamp on it. The guy picked it up, looked at the bartender, looked at me and then got up and walked out. I immediately googled him. He was on the registry and had been in prison for rape. Lesson learned. Always google. The bartender and I are still friends.

Physically? A bus. I grew up in Bermuda, and since it is such a small island cars are limited to one per family, and everyone drives mopeds. I was driving into town, and came up to a red light behind a bus. As is tradition, I scooted around the bus to be in the front of the line of traffic. Literally 2 seconds later a second bus smashed into the back of the first bus at like 30 mph. I would have been pancaked. Without question, 100% dead. I just sat on the side of the road for a bit and thought about my mortality.

I got on an intercity bus and almost sat in the middle but moved and sat at the back. The bus later collided with a truck and got opened up like a tin can. If I had sat where I originally intended I would have been killed.

I had two job offers in different states at the same time. The one I didn’t take was offering more money, but I just didn’t gel with the guy who would be my boss and really liked the guy who would be my boss at the lower offer. The better offer was in a state I had always wanted to live in, for a company I admired, but something felt off so I went with the lower offer. I ended up meeting my wife in the city of the lower offer. Meanwhile, the company that had given me the higher offer abruptly closed and laid off their entire staff with no severance; so if I had taken that I would have been stuck on the other side of the country with no job and no money.

That time I didn’t go along for the ride when a friend of mine was running weed (years ago, back when it was more illegal). I was bored and unemployed at the time, and passed on this trip because I had to go to a job interview to be a zombie for Halloween festivities at an amusement park. I got the job, my friend got arrested and did 30 days in jail.

not me, but my friend. we were in a bar and she was talking to a dude she met on tinder. when she turned around I saw him put something into her beer. i walked up, pretended to stumble, and knocked it out of her hand. apologized, told her i’d buy her next beer, and when we walked over to the bar i told her what he did. we left right after, decided to grab a case of beer and play mario kart that night instead. i only tagged along because she asked me to, which i’m always perfectly happy to do. glad i did.

Once at a bar a woman was surprisingly into me as we danced. If I had had more confidence back then I definitely could’ve taken her home. In the end, one of my karaoke buddies ended up with her instead and got caught by her husband that night.

Attempted suicide. Ended up passing out in some bushes near the train station. Early the next morning, a girl I went to high school with (who I barely knew) saw me while she was boarding the train for a college interview early in the morning. She recognized me and told the conductor. He dismissed me as a junkie who just needed to sleep it off. She said, “I know him. He does not do drugs or drink. Call 911 NOW.” 3 days in a coma, etc, etc, I am very grateful.

In 1996, my parents were deciding between two houses to move into. They picked the new construction that resulted in being placed on shoddy soil and years of lawsuits when we ultimately moved in 2001. Anyway, the other house they could’ve picked (presumably on better soil) would’ve placed my older sister at Columbine High School as a freshman for the 1998-1999 school year.

When I was about 10 years old I leaned backwards onto a tall bookcase shelf, which happened to have a sword collection on the highest shelf. Many of these swords had their blades exposed for show. And what would happen at that very moment? That shelf gave way and all of the swords came and landed on me (including my head). Surprisingly, I got not a single cut, no concussion, and only a small bruise on the head. And being young, I dismissed this incident with gracious forgetfulness.

High school gf wanted to talk about baby names. I was headed to college. No thoughts of being a parent! My mom even found a note in my pocket listing her favorites if we had a boy. Anyway, we broke up after 2 years. The next guy she dated was a dad within 9.5mos.

A literal one. A friend was showing off some handguns he bought with his first paycheck. Checked the chamber to make sure nothing was there, sighted at me and pulled the trigger. Of course, the gun was loaded. Bullet passed over my right shoulder and buried itself in a chair. We aren’t friends anymore for some odd reason.

I was out kayaking on a lake and several bullets whizzed by me. There was a distinct *buzz CRACK buzz* sound as it went by. I think some people were just out plinking in their back yard, adjacent to the lake, and didn’t think a backstop was necessary. This also happened to me a few weeks later when I was paddling on a small stream. Bullets whizzed by above the bank, just over my head. I don’t think anyone knew I was there either time. Regardless, when you go out and shoot stuff, make sure there’s a backstop, ffs. Also, I don’t know how big the bullets were, so I’m unsure which was the biggest bullet dodged.