While we may have it made with seemingly unlimited access to spicy content and adult toys galore, us modern folks weren't the only ones getting our rocks off. For as long as humans have been around, we've been extremely thirsty, a sentiment proven not only through art and literature — read through the Kama Sutra, anyone? — but the fact that the oldest bedroom accessories date back roughly 28,000 years ago.
From the personal "massagers" of the early 1900s to the very creative way people living in 12th-century China would put goat eyelids to use, here are 20 freaky historical artifacts that prove we've always been thirsty.
1
In 12th century China, freaky folks would tap goat eyelids like these as c— rings.
2
Between 300 and 400 BC, Vatsyayana Mallanaga wrote the Kama Sutra, which candidly discussed s—uality and broader topics, like love and fulfillment.
3
D—s were considered good luck charms for the Ancient Romans. Considering bells were also thought to bring about good fortune, wind chimes like these were placed throughout the home to keep negative forces as bay.
4
Dating back to the Stone Age, this petroglyph is exactly what it looks like, an etching of a v—.
5
This ancient skeleton was found in Bulgaria with a gold sheath around its nether regions.
6
This clay figure, which depicts a couple getting it on from the back, was created roughly 4,000 years ago in Mesopotamia.
7
It’s not just walls that have all the fun. The Warren Cup, which dates back to 5-15 AD depicted two dudes getting it on and sold for £1.8 million to the British Museum back in 1999.
8
The “Veedee" vibratory massager from the early 20th century was touted to be able to help with everything from digestive issues to the common cold. People, however, found a very different use for it.
9
Dating back 11,000 years ago, this status is the oldest known depiction of two people getting it on.
10
While leather harnesses are synonymous with the LGBTQ+ k— community, the garment was first made of chain in 1972 before leather options gained popularity in the mid-70s.
11
The Vindolanda wooden p— is roughly 2,000 years old, dating back to Ancient Rome.
12
These “rectal dilators” date back to 1983 and are the first documented b— plugs to have ever hit the market.
13
Joni Blank, a s— therapist, opened Good Vibrations in 1977, which served as the first toy store designed with women in mind.
14
In 1869 (nice), American George Taylor, M.D. created this steam and crank-powered “manipulator.”
15
Though we may turn to our computers for spicy content, ancient folks in Pompeii simply had to look to their walls, with steamy illustrations like these appearing on the walls of local brothels.
16
This 28,000-year old p— was discovered in a German cave.
17
Though most commonly used as footwear, some experts speculated that poulaine shoes, like the 14th century depicted here, were used as s— toys. The style itself was associated with “deviant” s—ities, per the Museum of London.
18
Built in 1890, this three— chair helped the Victorians live out their
“Challengers” fantasies.
19
This hand-held v— was created around 1909.
20
“A 1000 year old ceramic d— from China."
