In our collective desire to get laid, a handful of people will stop at nothing to get the partner of their dreams in their bed by the end of the night … or at least bar close.

Yet instead of sticking with the tried and true classics, buying your beloved a drink, doing the classic stretch-and-yawn or hell, even doing the normal thing and saying “Hey, I’m so and so, nice to meet you,” these wannabe PUAs have taken their artistry to punch line level lows, offering lines so bad they make “hey baby how do you like your eggs?” resemble an Edwardian love sonnet.

From flexing their tongue game on a chocolate Cadbury Easter egg to cosplaying as an Omegle dudebro (RIP) and jerking it out of nowhere, here are 20 of the most deranged ways pick-up artists have tried — and failed — to seal the deal.