Is there anything more satisfying than a witty comeback? Maybe, and that’s a witty comeback delivered at just the right moment. The perfect reply doesn’t just end an argument, it flips the entire situation and makes everyone laugh along the way.
Clever comebacks show confidence, quick thinking, and a touch of boldness that people remember long after the conversation ends. No matter the setting, the best comebacks leave their mark, no matter how many year pass.
Since everyone looks a witty comeback, here are 20 more times people fired back with lines so sharp, they turned an ordinary moment into comedy gold.
1
At a coffee shop, I spotted a dime and jokingly handed it to my friend: “Here, buy yourself a life.” He grinned: “I’ll just buy yours and give you back the change.”
2
When a high school assistant principal’s affair made the news, a student hung a banner in the hallway: “I can’t cheat in school, but Mrs. ___ can cheat on her husband. Cool.”
3
“I don’t come here to be insulted.” “Really? Where do you usually go?”
4
A supervisor mocked a guy’s last name. Later, when spelling “Winsor,” the guy said, “No D, right? So just ouchebag then,” and walked away.
5
While counting a cash drawer, an employee asked, “Why do you hire so many ugly and weird people?” I said, “You know I hired you, right? Maybe be thankful for that.”
6
Dad often said, “You’re my favorite daughter” (I’m his only). One day I replied, “That’s nice. You’re only my second favorite dad.” He frowned: “Who’s your favorite?” Me: “Ask Mom.”
7
At 13 in dance class, some older girls picked on me. One ended with, “Bite me.” I shot back: “Sorry, I’m cutting fat from my diet.”
8
Walking around D.C. with exchange students, I gave a beggar some change. Our chaperone scolded, “Don’t give them money, they make more than I do!” Me: “Maybe you should get a better job then.”
9
Struggling in French, my teacher told my parents at a conference: “He’s incapable of learning French.” My dad leaned in and said: “Madame, even children with learning disabilities in France can speak French. He’s capable of learning. You’re just incapable
10
Grandpa: “In my day, kids were seen and not heard.” Grandson: “So were the movies.”
11
My friend and I struggled with a drill cutting plastic. He sighed, “Do we have to use this? Don’t you have a boring tool?” Me: “Yeah. You.”
12
A friend constantly copied my biology homework. One day the teacher said, “Who are you going to copy from when you’re flipping burgers at McDonald’s?”
13
While eating ice cream, Dad suddenly asked, “At what point in your life did you feel the most sincere joy?” Without looking up, I answered, “When you stop asking me these questions.”
14
At 17, a 12-year-old came up to me: “Hey babe, can I have your number?” Me: “Why, do you need a babysitter?”
15
Someone told me, “You look better without your glasses.” I replied, “Yeah, you look better when I’m not wearing them too.”
16
Neighbor 1: “I’m not just some sad old lady! You probably think I sit around all day looking for things to complain about!” Neighbor 2: “This may surprise you, but I’ve never thought about what you do all day.”
17
Overly condescending boss looked over my work and said, “Can I ask a stupid question?” Me, on my last week at that job: “Sure, I’ve seen you do it before.”
18
Teacher: “With your grades, you’ll never make it into med school.” Student: “You’re right. I guess I’ll just become a teacher.”
19
As a teen in the 60s, I asked Dad to help buy a car. Dad: “I will, if you get a haircut.” Me: “But Jesus had long hair.” Dad: “And Jesus walked everywhere.”
20
Bragging coworker: “I’ve got this great new job with over 100 guys under me.” Reply: “What are you doing, mowing lawns at a cemetery?”
