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If you haven't heard, some men in Houston are buying expensive liquor, only to prove how rich they are by pouring it all out without drinking any of it. If I ever luck into an expensive bottle, I guarantee you it isn't leaving my possession until it comes out of me as urine.

But instead of drinking, I'm scrolling on Twitter, and have gathered together 20 of the day's funniest tweets. Drink these:

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