22 New Year's Resolutions You Wish Your Pets Would Make

Marty Mcfly Published 12/30/2014

Animals probably only know New Year's as "The Night Of Many Loud Noises," but if they understood our human traditions, we'd like to think they'd do their best to work on some self-improvement.

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1.
"When I go to the door and bark, I will actually go outside instead of just standing there."
2.
I will not re-ingest anything that comes out of my body.
3.
I will finally catch that red dot.
4.
I will learn to lie on the bed vertically rather than horizontally.
5.
I will not bark incessantly at 5 a.m. for no reason.
6.
"This is the year I will finally learn: toilet bowl, not for drinking."
7.
I will finally find out who the good boy is.
8.
I will stop sharpening my nails on the side of the bed.
9.
I will stop reaching under the door when Moms trying to pee.
10.
I will reserve my hairballs for the hardwood floors only...okay maybe shoes, too.
11.
I will not eat anything that will cause significant changes to my poo.
12.
I will stop hiding your socks. That's the dryer's job.
13.
The poop will stay in the litter box.
14.
I will nap only in appropriate places, which do not include my Dads laptop keyboard.
15.
I wont leave dead rodents on the doormat unless expressly requested.
16.
No matter how angry I am about Mom leaving for the weekend, I will not pee in her shoes.
17.
I will reserve my screams at the food bowl for only when Im truly starving to deathwhich is never.
18.
I will drink water from the dish instead of splashing it around with my paw.
19.
I will not freak out when I see the vacuum for the 1000th time.
20.
My butthole will maintain a safe distance from the humans face at all times.
21.
"I will learn to accept bath time as an inevitable fact of life."
22.
"I won't use my sad puppy eyes on you when I inevitably break all of these resolutions."

1.
"When I go to the door and bark, I will actually go outside instead of just standing there."
2.
I will not re-ingest anything that comes out of my body.
3.
I will finally catch that red dot.
4.
I will learn to lie on the bed vertically rather than horizontally.
5.
I will not bark incessantly at 5 a.m. for no reason.
6.
"This is the year I will finally learn: toilet bowl, not for drinking."
7.
I will finally find out who the good boy is.
8.
I will stop sharpening my nails on the side of the bed.
9.
I will stop reaching under the door when Moms trying to pee.
10.
I will reserve my hairballs for the hardwood floors only...okay maybe shoes, too.
11.
I will not eat anything that will cause significant changes to my poo.
12.
I will stop hiding your socks. That's the dryer's job.
13.
The poop will stay in the litter box.
14.
I will nap only in appropriate places, which do not include my Dads laptop keyboard.
15.
I wont leave dead rodents on the doormat unless expressly requested.
16.
No matter how angry I am about Mom leaving for the weekend, I will not pee in her shoes.
17.
I will reserve my screams at the food bowl for only when Im truly starving to deathwhich is never.
18.
I will drink water from the dish instead of splashing it around with my paw.
19.
I will not freak out when I see the vacuum for the 1000th time.
20.
My butthole will maintain a safe distance from the humans face at all times.
21.
"I will learn to accept bath time as an inevitable fact of life."
22.
"I won't use my sad puppy eyes on you when I inevitably break all of these resolutions."