Whether in meatspace or online, you encounter plenty of
idiots each day. And chances are you've been dreaming of telling some of them off.
Before you go off, make sure you have a good insult ready. For inspiration, here are some of the
best insults you will ever hear!
1
You’re a real conversation starter. Just not when you’re around.
2
Sharp as a marble, that one!
3
You've only got 2 brain cells and they are both fighting for 3rd place.
4
You're not the dumbest person in the world but you'd better hope they don't die.
5
"I can explain it to you, but I can't understand it for you."
6
“The only thing you’re f*cking, is stupid.”
7
I hope you go far. The sooner, the better.
8
Had one Yemani describe a colleague in broken English "he's a waste of skin"
9
“He has a face like a stuntman’s knee”
10
Maybe you Aussies and Kiwis remember this but a while ago the New Zealand prime minister Robert Muldoon was asked about immigration from New Zealand to Australia. He responded that he was fine with it because it was raising the average IQ of both countries.
11
For a critic, “You have me at a disadvantage. You seem to know a lot about me, and I don’t give a f*ck about you.”
12
"I know a mind reader who would charge you half price."
13
“May you have a day as pleasant as you are.” Great to use on customers because they can’t complain this was an insult without admitting they were f*cking rude.
14
While I was in the Navy I overheard, " I'd tell you to go kill yourself but you would probably f*ck that up too."
15
Had an alcoholic kitchen worker at my first job that I swear to God could have been a roast writer. I caught him looking at a female employee's ass once for like 5 straight minutes. I was like, "Thurman, you okay?" He said, "Man, boss, it's a shame she has such bad acne. Love that ass, but it looks like her face caught fire and someone tried to put it out with a fork."
16
"You're why God doesn't talk to us anymore"
17
You’re so cross-eyed when you cry, your tears fall down your back
18
Guy singing and playing the guitar. Passerby: do you take requests? Singer: sure Passerby: please stop.
19
The only way you’ll ever get laid is by crawling up a hen’s a** and waiting.
20
In middle school a classmate told me I have teeth like a Virginia picket fence. Middle schoolers have the best insults!
21
"I won't insult your intelligence by suggesting that you really believe what you just said." -William Buckley
22
A colleague of mine was told the following by a waitress when he had tried to hit on her. "You have more d*ck in your personality than you do in your pants"
23
"You're so stupid that it may actually be illegal to f*ck you."
24
I don't know if they came up with it, but I believe Animaniacs had, "The closest you'll have to a brainstorm is a slight drizzle," which I still think is quite good.
25
You probably get your insults from askreddit.
