1

“My building has package delivery lockers that are a perfect fit for commonly-sized Amazon boxes.”

2

“My car was stolen the other night and found several hours later on fire in a field.”

3

“Woman running for subway in NYC. Doors closing. Sticks her hand holding her Starbucks latte in to hold the door so she can get the rest of her body in. Doesn’t make it. Drink explodes all over everyone. Woman has to take the next train – presumably and get another latte.”

4

“So my new apartment only has one mirror in it…”

5

“My first perfect Lemon Meringue Pie from Grandma’s recipe … 10 minute before my nephew knocked it on the ground.”

6

“How my brand new $1,100 guitar arrived at my house.”

7

8

“The result of running an entire Uno deck through the wash. (It fell into the laundry chute and nobody noticed.)”

9

10

“Dropped my school hard drive and it stopped working. On the way to get it fixed, lost my 1982 Cadillac Seville because a guy made an illegal left hand turn. A day later, my pet bird died. Worst week of my life.”

11

12

“Be Unemployed? Yes. Get an interview? Yes. Get hit and run by a speeding bike on the way to said interview? Yes.”

13

“This mozzarella stick.”

14

Do you like your milk smooth or chunky?

15

“999/1000. I Donut Think this is Funny.”

16

“Messed up my dinner… and I feel like my coffee mug is mocking me.”

17

18

“After laying down/hanging 500’+ of Christmas lights…”

19

“This is what happens when you go 84,000 miles without an oil change.”

20

“This is what happens when your first reload slug doesn’t go off properly, and you proceed to take a second shot. Shooter was fine, and every one around was good.”

21

“This is why they tell you to lock the wheels….”

22

“Gas station canopy collapses, luckily no injuries.”

23

“Oakland likes to make parts on your car magically disappear overnight.”

24

“Carpet was installed without a problem. But come time to paint..”

25

“These are literally called “Eclipse Absolute Zero Total Blackout Curtains”.”