25 SFW Phrases To Use in the Bedroom

Featured 10/26/2021 in Funny

Sex and dirty talk go together like peanut butter and jelly. But what about people who are allergic to peanut butter?

There are some people who basically never swear during sex. Check out these absolutely crazy things they say instead!

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1. One time my wife told me not to be quite so “nice” during sex, so the next time during the act I told her that her meatloaf was dry.
2. Yes like that, lighter, faster, harder; mostly instructions.
3. Oh Carl oh carl oh Carl, at least that's what I've always said
4. "OH FRIGGEN HECK YES THIS IS SO ENJOYABLE M'LADY"
5. Sometimes it’s heavy breathing or wordless vocalizing and moans, sometimes it’s his name, sometimes “oh” or “oh darling” or “my love” or “wow” or “that feels so good “. Sometimes even high-pitched squeaks or squeals. Just depends each time.
6. I'm British so it goes something like this:

Oh what fun! I am about to arrive! I cannot wait for the cuppa tea I'm going to have after this! Tally ho!
7. Weirdly enough, although I do swear occasionally, I don't swear during sex. Dirty talking to me is talking about what I'm doing, what I wanna do, what she wants me to do... But no swearing. It's not a rule, it just doesn't come to mind during sex.
8. “Sweet Christmas!!”
9. My ex: Fish buckets Catzzzz's Holy fish buckets Balloons Oh oh my .... ugh catzzz! Balloons in fish buckets Piper Pi-pi-piper!

I wanted to duct tape his mouth during sex but I couldn't get consent.

He was not religious...just believed words have energy and cuss words had negative energy. If that's true, I am already doomed to hell, lol.
10. Screaming. Ear piercing screams.
11. I’m bout to sho0o0o0o0o0o0t !!!
12. So if you could just...yeah, that'd be great.
13. Jolly good show, what!
14. Bazinga.
15. Boom goes the dynamite!
16. For someone whose first language isn't English, this is such a weird question. Why on earth would you be swearing at each other during sex?

Even something like yelling "f*ck" is really strange when you think about it, because you're basically shouting "Have sex! Have sex!" while having sex. Like you're some kind of sex-themed Pokemon.
17. Almost, almost...there we are.
18. I’ve arrived.
19. My girlfriend’s go-to isn’t “oh yes” or “oh f*ck”, but “oh I love you” which I like.
20. "I love you"

"You feel so good" "You are amazing" "You and me forever"
21. Probably Star Wars quotes. “Stay on target. Stay on target.”

“Negative. It didn’t go in. It just impacted on the surface.”

“Get in there ya big hairy oaf, I don’t care what you smell!”
22. Hold on. I read a legit Victorian sex book once that was hilarious. After pages of chaste blue-ballery and heaving breasts, the finale was described as…. “I put spurs to my lusty steed, driving him at full force, until we collapsed in a mutual spend.” I challenge you all to say that out loud during sex or at least use some of the terms.
23. Gollygee that was bonkers!
24. I don’t say anything
25. Great. Googlymoogly

1. One time my wife told me not to be quite so “nice” during sex, so the next time during the act I told her that her meatloaf was dry.
2. Yes like that, lighter, faster, harder; mostly instructions.
3. Oh Carl oh carl oh Carl, at least that's what I've always said
4. "OH FRIGGEN HECK YES THIS IS SO ENJOYABLE M'LADY"
5. Sometimes it’s heavy breathing or wordless vocalizing and moans, sometimes it’s his name, sometimes “oh” or “oh darling” or “my love” or “wow” or “that feels so good “. Sometimes even high-pitched squeaks or squeals. Just depends each time.
6. I'm British so it goes something like this:

Oh what fun! I am about to arrive! I cannot wait for the cuppa tea I'm going to have after this! Tally ho!
7. Weirdly enough, although I do swear occasionally, I don't swear during sex. Dirty talking to me is talking about what I'm doing, what I wanna do, what she wants me to do... But no swearing. It's not a rule, it just doesn't come to mind during sex.
8. “Sweet Christmas!!”
9. My ex: Fish buckets Catzzzz's Holy fish buckets Balloons Oh oh my .... ugh catzzz! Balloons in fish buckets Piper Pi-pi-piper!

I wanted to duct tape his mouth during sex but I couldn't get consent.

He was not religious...just believed words have energy and cuss words had negative energy. If that's true, I am already doomed to hell, lol.
10. Screaming. Ear piercing screams.
11. I’m bout to sho0o0o0o0o0o0t !!!
12. So if you could just...yeah, that'd be great.
13. Jolly good show, what!
14. Bazinga.
15. Boom goes the dynamite!
16. For someone whose first language isn't English, this is such a weird question. Why on earth would you be swearing at each other during sex?

Even something like yelling "f*ck" is really strange when you think about it, because you're basically shouting "Have sex! Have sex!" while having sex. Like you're some kind of sex-themed Pokemon.
17. Almost, almost...there we are.
18. I’ve arrived.
19. My girlfriend’s go-to isn’t “oh yes” or “oh f*ck”, but “oh I love you” which I like.
20. "I love you"

"You feel so good" "You are amazing" "You and me forever"
21. Probably Star Wars quotes. “Stay on target. Stay on target.”

“Negative. It didn’t go in. It just impacted on the surface.”

“Get in there ya big hairy oaf, I don’t care what you smell!”
22. Hold on. I read a legit Victorian sex book once that was hilarious. After pages of chaste blue-ballery and heaving breasts, the finale was described as…. “I put spurs to my lusty steed, driving him at full force, until we collapsed in a mutual spend.” I challenge you all to say that out loud during sex or at least use some of the terms.
23. Gollygee that was bonkers!
24. I don’t say anything
25. Great. Googlymoogly