30 Cooking Secrets People Swore They Would Never Tell

We all have our secrets. Yours might be that one guy you killed on an old country road several years ago -- what was he doing in the middle of the road, anyway? And in the dead of night? It isn't your fault. You slammed the brakes. You couldn't do anything more. You're a good person.

Whereas these people have cutesy little cooking hacks that they use to bring joy to the people around them through the miracle of good food and good times, best served up with family. But not that guy's family, of course. The family that now has only an empty chair at the dinner table, filled with... so much silence. An empty chair that cannot enjoy the simple pleasures like a secret recipe for high-end cheesecake or an easy trick to give your red sauce a little more gusto.

Because you killed him. You killed him.

But you've moved on. You had to. You've learned to forgive yourself because, in every other respect, you've been a decent, law-abiding citizen your whole life, right? A family man. Loyal and hardworking. You did what you had to. You couldn't just leave him there, his limbs twisted and broken like a doll disfigured in a fit of rage. No. But nobody would understand.

No, you had to bury him. What other choice did you have? I mean, what were the odds you would have a shovel in the back of your trunk, and just enough time to dig... and dig... and dig until the birds began to chirp and light started to seep through the trees. The universe gave you a pass. You had to bury him. You had to.

But nobody's burying these secret cooking tips, are they?

At least not those hikers who you heard, approaching from deeper in the woods. Their jovial, naive laughter slithering through the trees like a noose hungry for your neck. Or the guy, the last vestiges of life escaping him through a pitiful croak. He was a goner -- you couldn't let him muster up the voice to call out to them, could you? No. He was dead anyway. It would have been pointless -- you, a good man, would've gone to prison. You just solved the problem, that's all.

Similarly, these recipes really hit the nail on the (more figurative) head! Giving good, honest people like you the secret to good food and good times!
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Uploaded 06/08/2021
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